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I had no words. None she’d want to hear.
My cousin Gwen appeared with a glass of wine in hand. “Well, when you two decide what you want to do, I know the best realtor in the Big Apple. She’s amazing and knowledgeable. She’ll find you the perfect family home.”
Family home.
“Goddammit, it’s hot in here.” I let go of Autumn’s hand. “I need some air.” I stormed out of the living room and down the stairs. My heart might burst out of my chest any second.
“Eli, wait.” I heard Autumn running down the stairs as I blew through the front door. “Eli!” She grabbed my arm. “Stop. What’s going on?”
“I need air. Did you not hear me?” I snapped at her, like the selfish son of a bitch I’d always been, and jerked my arm away. “I’ll be back.”
“Where are you going? What happened in there?”
“What happened? Did you not hear them planning out our lives? Paving the way for us to be right where they want us?”
She shook her head. “I didn’t hear that at all. They love us. Want us close by. The CMO position is what you’ve dreamed about.”
“It’s a handout, Autumn! I don’t need his help, my family’s money, or their pity. I can make my own way, and it won’t be at Morgan Investments!”
“But I want to move back home.”
“You’ll live where I live! After I’ve gotten a few years under my belt at SJI, we’ll consider moving back.”
She stepped back and shook her head. “A few years? Effing Eli…” She put her hand to her heart. “You haven’t really changed, have you? We haven’t even discussed it, and you’ve already decided for me.”
She was spot on in her assessment of the situation.
Fuck! I scratched the back of my head. My blood was boiling and not because of my uncle’s offer or my family’s enthusiasm about Autumn and me. I was doing it again. Being a selfish, prideful prick. Taking control of Autumn’s life and imposing my will on her because I had to prove I wasn’t a screw up like my dad.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
She deserved so much better than me.
“Well, I’m not going to let you do this. We’re supposed to be a team. Partners.” She swiped tears off her face. “Either we are or we aren’t. You decide what we are, Eli, since you like to be in control.”
I turned toward the front door, where my entire family stood watching us. The pressure on my chest was crushing my lungs. I just needed some air. A moment to myself to figure this shit out, but no. I had all these people staring at me with disappointment in their eyes. But it didn’t compare to the devastation on Autumn’s beautiful face.
I couldn’t bring myself to say a single word for fear I’d royally fuck things up. So instead, I turned around and stalked down the sidewalk like a fucking pussy.
Autumn didn’t call after me. Nor did my cousins. They just let me go.
And I was relieved.
I made my way down Seventy-Third Street to Fifth Avenue. The cool spring air cleansed my broken spirit. For the life of me I didn’t know why I refused any aid from my uncle. He had always treated me like his child. He never said anything bad about my dad or made me feel less than my cousins. I just wanted to do everything on my own. Hell, I’d even taken out student loans and paid them myself. I’d bought Autumn’s engagement ring and paid for our small wedding. My grandparents had wanted a large lavish wedding and offered to pay for it, but I couldn’t let them.
Thankfully, Autumn didn’t care to spend millions on our special day. I smiled, remembering how breathtaking she looked in her white gown. She brightened my life with her sweetness and sass. We’d danced the night away, lost in each other. We were incredibly happy and had been until I became obsessed with climbing to the top and proving myself. I had willingly sacrificed my wife and marriage to show all the Morgans I’d done it without them.
Why? Why was it so goddamn vital to me to do it on my own?
Fuck if I knew.
I meandered through Pilgrim Hill, where my parents had brought my cousins and me sledding a few times before they died. It was late, after nine, so no kids were out playing. I had the place all to myself.
I sat on the grass, feeling empty and confused—all my own doing. Autumn would be with me right now if I hadn’t walked away from her. She would listen without judgment and hold me until the dark clouds above me cleared. She’d done it so many times before.
But here I was questioning whether or not I was the best person for her. She’d divorced me with good reason, and I selfishly stormed back into her life, demanding she gave me another chance. I had waltzed into SJI like a king to claim my queen all over again. I’d worn her down and broke through her protective walls. Fuck, I had even gone without a condom in the hope that I would impregnate her.
What kind of man does that?
