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Jeez, grow a pair, Tara.
Instinctively, I knew better than to eavesdrop on conversations or gab about the MC to anyone. I just wished I felt comfortable telling Mads or Steph about my issues, instead of holding them all in. Confide in them about my downward spiral after what happened between Hero and me.
How could he do me so wrong? I honestly couldn’t wrap my brain around it.
Whatever. It’s over. We’re over… even before we started.
I had more urgent worries, like the strange call from my dad. My stomach was still in knots, but I was dealing with them. During my appointment, Dr. Kelly had urged me to get a restraining order. She was concerned for my safety and that I might sink deeper into the darkness of NSSI.
But, I refused to regress back to burning my skin every week. The ritual of it all was an addiction. The blistering pain gave me comfort. It wiped away the sadness, leaving me with a marred body.
Self-harm was a vicious cycle. I had a fleeting moment of relief and peace. Not long afterward, regret set in. I’d then battle guilt for what I had done. I’d sink further, succumbing to the torment of my thoughts. I’d abuse myself to stop it from ravaging my insides. I’d end up on a wash, rinse, repeat cycle that made my self-harm in better shape than my hair. Sometimes it’d only last a few days. Sometimes for weeks. Sometimes I wondered if I could ever stop.
All of this had been before I met Maddy in college.
I slammed my hand on the steering wheel. I’d done so well the last six and half years. I was productive, loved my job, and my students adored me. I was Maddy’s badass best friend.
I was Roja.
I was supposed to be his.
Fuck Hero Fuentes.
“I hate you for breaking me, you son of a bitch!” I screamed, releasing more tension. “I hate you.” I almost felt like my sassy, badass self again. “A hard fuck would be spectacular right now.” Just to help me forget the spicy Latino biker who’d messed me up.
For a second, I considered driving past my street to go to the Wild Hog. Maybe one of the twins would be there.What was his name?That night I’d made out with him on the dance floor while Steph was with his identical twin, it made me hot just thinking about it. But thoughts of that damn Hero had ruined my chances with…What was his name?I guessed he was forgettable. It didn’t matter. I’d changed my mind about hooking up for apparently no damn good reason.
Turning on to my darkened street, the hairs on my arms prickled.
It was almost seven o’clock but felt much later the way the inky sky absorbed all the light.
A groan spilled from my lips. How could I forget to leave the porch light on? At least I’d left the lamp on in the living room. My poor Luna, she probably wondered what happened to me. I was usually home by four.
I parked in my small driveway. It was more like a parking pad. No garage. Just a space to separate my lot from the neighbor’s. Before exiting my car, I scanned my surroundings. Most of the trailer homes had lights on inside. On the outside, some were decorated to the hilt for Halloween, like they couldn’t clean up the decorations if they wanted to. I didn’t care for the holiday. Hopefully, now that the ghoulish festivities had passed, people would break out Christmas decor. A few on my street put twinkling lights on their homes early, due to the cold.
Everything looked normal, sans for the electric blue Chevy pickup across the street. My neighbor must have company.
Opening my car door, I thanked my lucky stars I hadn’t been followed by one of Storm’s prospects. Hard to believe he’d respected my wishes. I liked him a little more for it.
Copper. I could remember his name. Much more memorable than the Wild Hog twin.
I shivered, making my way to the door. There was a bite in the air. We were getting down to twenty-six degrees tonight, but no snow. As long as the winds didn’t pick up, I’d be fine. Unfortunately, my tin can house wasn’t insulated well. Maybe it was time to look into a better heater. I wondered if I could afford it.
Something didn’t feel right as I stepped closer to the door. As much as I felt peaceful after my visit with Dr. Kelly, my heart wouldn’t stop racing as I inched toward my porch.
I rechecked my surroundings.Paranoid much? It’s just dark. Dark doesn’t mean dangerous.
Although I knew I was paranoid.Hell yes, I was, after my dad called and so casually mentioned Luna. The only way he’d know I had a cat was if he’d been watching me. Shit, he could be spying on me this second. I hurried as I inserted the key into the lock.
The door flew open, unbidden.
“Ahh!”
17
Hero
TARA’S SHRILL SCREAM barely registered. My gaze locked on her beautiful brown eyes, then dropped to her gaping mouth, a mouth I’d missed the past couple of months.
