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She’d lost a lot of weight after the attack. Once she allowed me into her house, I’d been able to get her to eat more. She was healthy now.
Jesus, I wanted her so much I could cry.
I ripped my gaze off her and followed with a semi in my athletic shorts, pretending like I hadn’t noticed a thing. The gym wasn’t busy around supper time when we came. No chance in hell would I have her here with a weight room full of dudes working out. They’d surely drool over her doing squats. Then I’d have to kill them.
Boxer set the car seat on the front desk and stalked toward me with a shit-eating grin, while Ava and Snow fawned over baby Max.
“Wipe that grin off your face, or I’ll do it for you.” I turned my back toward Ava, so I didn’t embarrass myself.
“Ya wanna spar in the cage or take a cold shower?”
“Fucker.” I shook my head as I adjusted my dick. “She was doing squats.”
Boxer put his hands on his hips. “Sounds like torture.”
“You have no idea.”
“Let’s spar.” He jerked his head toward the cage. “I’ll take your mind off her when I pound my fist into your face.”
“Right. I won’t lose in front of her.” I glanced over my shoulder at Ava. “We’ll hit the cage soon. The weirdest shit triggers her. I’m worried about her watching us.”
“Understood. For what it’s worth, I admire your dedication.”
“I’m not forced to be with her, y’know? I care for her.” Ava’s issues didn’t scare me away. They weren’t a pain in my ass, as some might think. I loved that sweet blonde, loved every piece of her.
“Hey, I didn’t mean it like that.” He elbowed me and leaned in, lowering his voice. “Why don’t you tell her how you feel?”
My chest tightened. “Can’t.” I wanted to tell Ava, but I was afraid of rejection. Bikers freaked her the fuck out. I was the kind of man she didn’t want to be around for long. The rumble of a motorcycle unnerved her the way a tornado siren had sent my mama into a panic attack. I couldn’t believe she’d said she might like to ride my Harley the other night. When had she changed her mind about bikes?
Either way, I wouldn’t risk my relationship with Ava.
Just keep the status quo, Drew.
“Brother, women want to know this shit. Trust me. I’ve learned a lot since Snow came back to me.”
No offense to my brother, but I didn’t want to talk about this stuff with him. We had bonded over fighting and connected in the cage. When we trained, we reminisced about beating the shit out of our opponents. I wanted to keep it that way.
The only person I’d felt slightly comfortable talking to had been Lynx. Mostly because he didn’t push me to spill my guts. Not like Boxer or Track.
“I bet she’d surprise you. For the amount of time you spend together, she’s probably as into you as you are into her.”
I considered Boxer’s words. Could he be right? I hadn’t let my mind go there before now. I wanted Ava to love me back, but I was too damn afraid to hope. “I don’t know, brother. I wouldn’t want to risk losing her by revealing my feelings. Anything sexual triggers her. If she knew how I felt, I’m certain she’d cut me out of her life.”
Boxer shook his head. “That sucks.”
I dropped my gaze to my shoes to keep from looking at Ava. “Yes, it does.” It more than sucked being around a person I knew I could never have. I hated that fucking enforcer for what he’d done to my girl.
Before the assault, I’d hardly noticed Ava at The Bullet. I felt like a jackass now because I used to think of her as a silly, one-dimensional chick. Sure, she was a beauty. My God, she was gorgeous, and she had an innocence about her I’d never tarnish with my biker life. It’d been easy to see she was into farmers. She’d pretty much ignored me. It was just as well, as I liked being a loner, preferred to be emotionally numb. Even back when Ava was a happy, giggly girl, I’d always known she’d never be mine. Hell, I hadn’t seriously considered her anyway.
Had I?
Fuck, I had considered her.
The truth stabbed me in the heart. If I’d been able to protect Ava from the enforcer, could she have been mine? Probably not. A girl like her, sweet and wholesome, would never be with a guy like me. Then again, I never for a second thought I would have been capable of loving someone, so maybe she would’ve wanted to take a chance on me.
Boxer elbowed me. “I still think you should tell her you love her. It’s better to get that shit off your chest, brother.”
Love had always been a foreign emotion. The way people threw the word around watered down its meaning. Not once when I was a kid had my parents told me they loved me. Not once had I felt loved. Saying I loved another person scared the tar out of me.
