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“Thank you for not prying it out of me.” I knew she totally could’ve if she wanted to.
“Of course, dear.” She winked.
I had every reason to believe she had an idea of what was going on. It wasn’t a secret Abe and I wanted to add to our family. When he took me out to the barn for a romp in the straw, someone had to watch Nova. Yes, Lady M surely knew what was amiss.
But I couldn’t think about her or anything else.
I needed Abe to calm my fears, to reassure me the past wouldn’t repeat itself. Again, I blamed Justine. I shouldn’t be on the verge of a panic attack over finding out if I was pregnant.
Abe and I desperately wanted a baby—for different reasons. I’d always wanted a big family and didn’t see the point in waiting. Abe wanted to experience everything he’d missed with Nova.
And Nova wanted a baby brother.
That was wonderful and great, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the last time I had peed on a stick and how my life imploded hours later.
“Oh God, oh God. Please don’t let me flip out before Abe gets home.” I buried my face in my hands, doing my best to control my breathing while praying my little heart out.
A whoosh of air came from the bedroom door.
“Baby, I’m here.”
I dropped my hands at the sound of Abe’s voice.
“I’m here,” he repeated.
“Oh my gosh, I was close to losing it.” I flew into his arms and wrapped my legs around his waist. I squeezed the hell out of him to get as close as possible.
Abe was my lifeline, strength, and stabilizer, and I was his. Together we were a force to be reckoned with, more fierce than hurricanes and tornados. Apart, we were empty vessels of flesh and bones and a barely beating heart.
In his arms, my demons were silent. The lying sons of bitches had tried to make me doubt Abe. I hated how they were almost successful. Yes, I knew he hadn’t cheated on me the day I found out I was pregnant with Nova, but the emotional and psychological damage had been done. I wasn’t fully healed from the devastation inflicted upon my heart. I was getting there.
I could conquer anything with my Knight by my side, loving and cherishing me.
“Baby, you’re shaking. What happened?” Abe held me tightly to his body. The concern in his voice made me cry harder.
“I… ” I couldn’t get the words as I clung to him.
“Fuck, you’re scaring me.” He sat on the bed and rubbed my back. “Did you get your period? Is that why you’re upset?” He kissed my forehead. “It’ll be okay. We aren’t going to stop trying. I live to be deep inside you,” he said playfully.
“Daddy, what’s wrong with Mommy?”
Wracking sobs hit me full force, hearing my sweet girl call Abe daddy. I didn’t care what anyone said about forgiveness and understanding why I had kept Nova from Abe. I hated myself for it.
Kids are resilient, they say.She’s young; it’ll only be a distant memory.
Nobody knew the full extent of pain Nova and I had suffered. Hell, not even I did. The emptiness and loneliness she’d felt. The sense of helplessness I carried when we lived with Stein and constant fear after I took Nova and ran with his money. Shit like that changes a person, and we never forget.
“What’s going on?” Hustler’s voice came from the hallway.
“Take Nova out,” Abe barked. “Mommy will be okay. She’s just sad.”
“I can’t leave her,” Nova replied, tears in her voice. “She needs me like always, Daddy.” She touched my arm. “Right, Mommy? You need me.”
“But I have her now, baby girl. Let Uncle Hustler take you out for a bit. When you come back, Mommy will be better.”
“Wanna have a picnic in the treehouse? I bet Grammy M has some yummy treats just for you.” Hustler picked her up and kissed her cheek. “What do you say, sweet girl?”
“Okay.” She didn’t take her eyes off me. I hated upsetting her. “I’ll be back soon. Okay, Mommy?”
