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“I lied to you,” Kelly says softly.
I feel like she’s just punched me in the chest. It’s her tone of voice, how much she clearly hates herself for what she had to do…or at least thinks she had to.
Taking her hand again, I give it a squeeze of support, hoping she can feel the love, the acceptance, the forgiveness.
“About what?” I murmur.
“Your tuition.” There are tears in her eyes now, and her voice is cracking. “I told you it came from dad’s life insurance, and that was true for a while. But then, the truth is, it was never going to cover it, not all of it.”
It’s a curious feeling that strikes me, almost like a physical blow, another punch to the chest. This is what part of me suspected, that it had something to do with money and how she looked at my textbook…
“You borrowed money,” I say.
She nods. “There was this guy I met at the tattoo studio. The payment was coming up and…I couldn’t think about telling you I’d failed, telling you the truth. I know how much you love college. And how badly you want to become a teacher.”
I blink, realizing there are tears in my eyes too.
They slide warmly down my cheeks when I blink again.
“Ever since we were little,” Kelly goes on, smoothing her thumb across her cheek. “You always had that dream. Do you know how proud that makes me? Not even just going after your dream, but the sheer fact you knew from that age…I had to support you.”
I squeeze her hand even fiercer.
“What about this guy?” I ask.
“I thought he was my friend. Just like with Junior, I guess. Gullible as always.”
“Hey,” I snap. “Don’t say stuff like that. It’s not your fault you see the best in people.”
She sighs, shrugging. “I just wanted you to be okay. It turns out he was a loan shark. It was getting bad. He’d surprise me at work, or just walking the street…and then he started saying he was going to come by the apartment.”
I shiver as white-hot rage fires through me. The thought of anybody making my big sister feel small… threatens to turn me feral.
“I ended up telling Jamie what was happening as he was finishing my tattoo,” she goes on. “He knew about the guy and told me he was leaving for Mexico in a couple of months. In the meantime, he said, he’d pretend to be with me so the guy would back off. It worked. He did back off. And I think Jamie paid him, privately, though he never said. At least enough to stop him from doing anything drastic.”
I think back to the breakup, to how Kelly never wanted to talk about it.
And now it makes sense.
“So he was protecting you,” I whisper.
“For the stupid mistake I made,” she says, nodding. “Except…I can’t regret it, Jennifer, not completely. But I know how excited you are to start college again.”
I stand and move around the table to hug her.
She stands and embraces me in return.
“I know why you did it,” I whisper, as more sobs make it difficult for me to push the words out. “I get it. You’re an amazing big sister, Kelly. But please… never do anything like this again.”
“I won’t,” she replies, her sobs even more flooded with emotion as she holds onto me tighter. “Aren’t you mad with me?”
I wrap my arms around her the same way I did when she gave me the news about mom and dad…except no, this is different. It’s like our roles are reversed.
She’s holding onto me as tightly as I clung to her then.
She’s clawing desperately, needing to know everything will be okay.
“No,” I tell her. “I can’t be. I’m too freaking happy to be mad if you want the truth. I can’t even think about hating you, or hating anybody…not when everything has worked out so well.”
“I should’ve told you,” she whispers.
“Maybe you should have. But what you did, Kelly….”
I’m crying fully now, big sobs that have me gasping for air. It’s impossible not to when I can feel all the sacrifices she’s ever made, all the good she’s ever done…
“You’re the best big sister ever,” I whisper. “It was silly. Crazy. But I know why you did it. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
We hug tightly, and then I notice Benny and Lucifer running at the yard door on the side.
I instinctively move toward it, too, my heart rate picking up like it always does when Jamie’s home.
Then I catch myself, turning to Kelly.
She laughs and sobs at the same time, a sound caught between joy and pain.
Waving her hand, she says, “See? Look how in love you are. You can’t wait to see him. Go, Jennifer. I’ll be right here.”
We share a moment, a long look full of resolution, then I walk out the side door and out to Jamie’s car.
