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Kelly’s wearing a black dress, stockings, and a studded choker. Her hair is down, artfully messy.
“I’m seeing a boy,” she says, with the same excitement she used to have…before Jamie. “We’re going to a show.”
Jamie’s the only boyfriend she’s had where, in the initial stages, she didn’t have this same giddiness.
It’s a cycle she seems to enjoy, one that doesn’t appeal to me at all, not that I’d ever judge her for it.
Get a new boyfriend, ride that high, breakup, repeat.
Where was the high with Jamie? And since there wasn’t one, why not?
“Ooh, exciting,” I say, genuinely relieved.
At least only one of us isn’t pining over Jamie.
“His name’s Cormac Junior…can you believe that, Junior? It sounds dorky, but it honestly suits him.”
“Where did you meet?” I ask. “And why have you kept him a secret, huh?”
She smiles at my joking tone. “He wasn’t a secret. I just didn’t want to say anything until I knew he was going to ask me out. I met him…well, through Jamie, at the studio.”
“Ah.”
Hearing his name in my sister’s voice sounds wrong, even if I know that’s insane.
She was his girlfriend. I was his nobody.
“You don’t approve?” she asks.
“It’s not that. I just….”
I want Jamie so bad hearing his name makes me almost melt.
“I thought you wanted to get as much distance as….”
“I am,” she cuts in. “He’s not Jamie’s friend. I just met him at the studio. That’s all. I won’t have to see Jamie at all.”
“I guess he must’ve done something bad,” I murmur, “if you’re that happy about not seeing him.”
“Nothing bad,” Kelly says with her usual vagueness. “But I’d rather not talk about it.”
“Well, have fun.” I smile as I stand, giving her a quick hug. “I hope you have a great night.”
“Oh, I know I will. Don’t wait up. I mean that seriously, you know. I might not be home.”
I chuckle. “I’m sure I’ll survive. See you later…tomorrow… or next week.”
“Seriously, I’ll see you tomorrow at the latest. I love you.”
She wraps her arms around me, and I do the same, hating this element of our relationship, this giant thing that’s always there, that only I know about.
It’s eating me up and making me feel like the biggest traitor ever.
“I’ve got work in the morning,” I remind her. “So don’t forget your keys.”
She grins. “Keys, yep. Knew there was something.”
She laughs as she leaves the room, leaving me to wonder if I’ll get any sleep tonight. It’s been difficult ever since this…this what, crush started.
Or maybe obsession works better.
Taking tech-support calls on two hours’ sleep is difficult, but I’m not quitting my summer job, no freaking way. Not after how generous Kelly’s been, how helpful.
She deserves the same support in return.
Which is what makes this all the more wrong, this crush.
I go to Jamie’s tattoo studio’s website, simply titled Matt’s.
I asked Kelly why he called it that when I first heard the name, but she said she didn’t know.
“He never talks about it.”
“Well… have you asked?”
“Yes, and he just sort of smiles. I don’t know.”
I hover the cursor over the book an appointment icon.
There’s a waiting list for Jamie. I wouldn’t have to see him for weeks.
I can cancel in the meantime.
This won’t actually happen….
My thoughts spin around and around as I justify it, reason the guilt away.
I click the button.
I book an appointment for three weeks.
CHAPTER
FOUR
Jamie
If I needed a clear sign that this is getting out of hand, I’ve got it when I’m forced to duck behind the car.
Kelly has just walked out of the apartment building, wearing the sort of clothes she wears to parties. I feel nothing as I watch her walking down the street except a shudder of annoyance that she’s Jennifer’s sister.
It’s not her fault. It’s not Jennifer’s. It’s just one of those things.
I promised Kelly I’d stay away.
“I want to pretend none of this is happening,” she said near the end. “Has happened.”
I understand that well enough. There’s plenty I’d like to forget too.
As I stand to my full height, looking over at the apartment building, I know it’s wrong. This is some stalker-level shit, except I can’t bring myself to give a single damn.
Anything that brings me closer to Jennifer feels like a good thing. I just want to speak with her, without Kelly there…speak to her as I need to, tell her how badly I want her, need her….
Except I wouldn’t do that. Couldn’t. It would scare the hell out of her. Maybe more than it scares me.
My life has always been about focusing and remaining calm, never letting anything rattle me. Surgical detachment, get the job done.
I don’t allow my feelings to rule me. At least, I didn’t.
Now I’m not sure I know how to fight them. I’m starting to wonder if staying calm only ever felt easy because I hadn’t met Jennifer yet.
