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“Nothing about it interests me.” I don’t tell her how I don’t want pictures of me online. I don’t want any chance of my family tracking me down. “Nothing to worry about there.”
“Well, I’d love to chat to you some more, but I’m already running late and I’ve got five more to see. Leave your available dates and times with Carol and we’ll book you in for a session.” She gets to her feet, holding a hand out toward me. “Been a pleasure to meet you, Clarissa.”
“Likewise.”
We shake, and then I head out. Once I’m outside, the cold air makes my breath catch in my throat. I stupidly didn’t bring a coat with me. I could rush back home but I need milk for Sophie, so I head for Bud’s.
Kevin is pricing up tins of beans when I walk in. “The turncoat,” he says, stopping to scratch the zits on his chin. “How’s life on the other side?”
“I’ve not got the job yet.”
“You will. You’re a shoo-in. Just don’t forget us. We gave you our hearts and you repay us by quitting.” He fakes a sob. “We’ll miss you. Well, they will. I’m glad you’re going.”
“Thanks. It’s good to know you can be honest with me. In that spirit, your aftershave honks today.”
“That’s the wine spilled on the next aisle, combined with a visit from Mrs. Flaherty. Or Fart-herty as I call her.”
“Sophisticated humor, that’s what I’ll miss most about this place.”
“You love it.”
He returns to his price gun as I make my way to the end of the store where the fridges are. I grab a milk and then a couple of yogurts, peach flavor, Sophie’s current favorite.
As I head for the counter, I spot a family at the end of the aisle. Father. Mother. Daughter. They look happy. The girl’s not much older than Sophie. Out of towners, by the looks of them. The kid’s holding hands with them both and I feel sick all of a sudden.
I’ll never have that. That will never be me. Sophie will never have a father to laugh with. The thought hits me like a punch to the gut.
Most of the time, I’m certain I did the right thing, not getting in touch with him. But now and then, moments like this catch me off guard and I forget about who he is. I just remember how he made me feel.
I pay for my things and then head for home, glancing at the clock once I’m inside. Maddy will be back any minute.
Meghan will drop Sophie off in an hour. Gives me time to straighten the place up and distract myself from thinking about Jack.
I don’t think about him often. I don’t have the luxury of dwelling on the past, even if I want to. I’ve got a little girl to bring up and money to bring in. I can’t sit moping about what might have been.
I’m glad when the door opens two minutes later and Maddy walks in.
“You look like shit,” she says, dumping her handbag on the couch. “Interview go that badly?”
“No, actually,” I reply, following her through to the kitchen. “It went really well.”
“Then how come you look like you just got slapped in the face with a tax bill wrapped up in a steaming horse shit?”
“Do I look that bad?”
“No, I’m only teasing. You just look angry, that’s all. Something up?”
“Oh, it’s silly really.”
She turns around from the refrigerator with two cans of soda in her hands, passing me one. “Explain all, dear friend.”
“Give me the candy. I know you’ve got it hidden behind the cereal boxes.”
“Shit, now I’ve got to find a new hiding place.” She digs it out and tosses it my way. “What’s up?”
“It’s stupid, but I saw this family in the grocery store and it just made me sad, that’s all.”
“Because of Jack?”
