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Chapter Twenty Three
Adreax
The shuttle was small. There wasn’t much room for privacy, as Tayla and I had just discovered, and that meant I didn’t have a hard time finding Herod, either. Although I suspected he wanted to be found after his little display.
“I will not have you questioning my intentions,” I snarled, coming face to face with him.
He avoided my eyes, looking around instead and shrugging defiantly. “I’m sorry, Adreax, but it doesn’t appear that you’re the captain in charge here anymore. And as your friend, I will always question you when I think you’re putting our lives at risk.”
“If you have a problem with my leadership, maybe you should get your own ship and start your own crew. Then you won’t have to worry about who I’m fucking.”
He raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest, refusing to back down.
“I have never cared who you’re fucking, but I can see the way you look at this human. There is something more at stake here, and we are already in a difficult situation. You may find her pussy a pleasant distraction while we’re stuck here, but I promise you that indulging now will make your life harder in the future.”
I scoffed at him, not wanting to hear what he was saying. Did I look at her in a certain way? Was it so obvious to everyone around me? If so, that was a problem. I was projecting a weakness that anyone could take advantage of. But maybe it wasn’t so. Maybe Herod just knew me too well and caught on to something that nobody else would see. I tried to tell myself that was all it was. But he wasn’t done arguing.
“Tell me, Adreax, how do you see yourself fitting into her life? Hm? Look around you, you colossal idiot. Tell me where there’s room for you when she goes back to her home planet. Tell me what you plan to do when her little experiment has run its course, and she has no more use for you here. She’ll be gone in an instant, back to where she came from, back to men who do fit neatly into her life. Where does that leave you? Especially if I’m long gone.”
He said that last bit with a viciousness I was not prepared for. He was threatening me with abandonment, knowing that I would have little recourse if he left. He was right. If I chose Tayla over our partnership, I was almost certainly doomed to failure. She could not stay on this Orb with me forever. She would need to return to Earth, and from what I’d overheard on the radios, I would not be welcome there at all. When her time was done here, she would leave me behind, and I would die alone on this big ball of dirt.
I buried my doubts and set my jaw.
“Why don’t you worry about yourself, Herod? If I recall correctly, I’ve bailed you out of more than one bad decision. I shouldn’t have to remind you about that woman on-”
“Don’t say it,” he growled, lunging at me.
I was prepared for the attack. Herod and I had had this fight on countless occasions. Someday, I would have to let it go and stop reminding him of his follies, but when he was telling me something I didn’t want to hear, it was easy to reach for this old familiar weapon and throw it in his face.
I caught his arms and wrapped him in a bear hug, preventing him from taking any easy shots at my face or my body. Even so, the scuffling was enough to irritate my wound and I squeezed my eyes shut to ward off the pain.
He continued to struggle, kicking his legs at my shins and cursing me in a dozen languages. Eventually, he gave up, and I released him, taking a quick step back, just in case he tried to sucker punch me.
“I think we’re done here,” I stated flatly, and walked away.
“Suit yourself, traitor.”
I froze, halfway across the room, and turned on my heel to face him.
“What did you call me?”
“You heard me, Adreax. If you choose her, you will be a traitor to our people and to me.”
I drew a slow breath in through my nose and calmed myself before answering.
“I will take that under advisement,” I finally answered, my voice barely above a whisper.
This time I left, crossing out of the room and going toward the back of the shuttle. I paused at the door where Tayla was still hiding from Herod, considering whether I should go in, but I decided against it. I needed time alone. I needed space. And damn it, there was no space in this shuttle. I felt like I was suffocating. Furious, I marched back along the corridor to the airlock.
“Where are you going?” Alec called from somewhere in the cockpit where he was working on the radios. To his credit, he actually sounded worried about me.
“Out.”
“You shouldn’t.”
“I know.”
He made no move to stop me, so I went, pressing the button and waiting for the inner door to fold aside before letting myself out.
After so long cooped up inside, the harsh sunlight on the Orb dazzled my eyes. I leaned against the side of the shuttle, taking a moment to steady myself and get my emotions in check. Whether or not I liked it, Herod’s words struck home.
When I looked up at the ridge, where Tayla’s research equipment lay shattered and abandoned, I remembered the hurt and fury in her eyes the night I had rampaged through here. I thought of all the ways I had made her life harder in the little time we had known each other. I even tried to imagine myself by her side as she continued her experiments, but Herod was right. There was no place for me in her life. I could not be the doting partner, content to assist her with her research.
I looked up at the sky. I needed to be out there. I needed to be commanding a ship and defying the Patrol. That’s just who I was meant to be, and Tayla could never change that part of me. If I stayed, I would only cause her more pain, and I would grow frustrated and resentful feeling trapped in one place. I hated that about myself, but too many years sleeping alone among the stars had taught me it was better this way.
Pushing off the side of the shuttle, I shuffled around, kicking up dust and allowing myself enough space to feel the pain of letting Tayla go before I had to face her again. This was necessary, I told myself. This was the right decision.
On my way back inside, I ran into Herod in the hallway. He narrowed his eyes at me, but all I could do was give him a slight nod, a silent acknowledgement that we were on the same page. He seemed to accept my decision with only a hint of imperiousness and returned to what he was doing.
