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Chapter Twenty Six
Tayla
I didn’t sleep at all after Adreax left. I felt so torn, wishing I could have him back and wishing that I could forget all about him. My body burned with desire every time he came near, and yet, my mind was screaming at me to pump the brakes before we went off the cliff.
I tossed and turned all night, trying to sort my emotions and telling myself that this was all insanity, and I had to stop. On the other side of the thin walls, I thought of Alec. Alec, who only came here with me to do his job. Alec, who was now trapped in a nightmare with me and two hulking aliens, waiting for someone to come to his rescue. He didn’t deserve this. At the very least, I owed it to him to stay focused on our continued survival.
I left my bed and pulled on some clothes. I went up to the cockpit and lowered myself into the captain’s chair. Outside, it was mostly dark, but I could still see the flickering lights of the Patrol ships in the distance, and the wavering searchlights as their night watch marched back and forth. Beyond them, I could see the stars twinkling in and out of focus.
Out there; that was Adreax’s home. That was his calling. How could I possibly compare to the invitation of the universe? Parting my legs might be a quick and easy source of entertainment for Adreax, but in my heart, I knew the stars were calling him back, and I would soon lose him to their eternal beckoning.
Back home, there were dozens of songs by women pining over their lovers who just couldn’t leave behind the open road to settle down. I imagined that if I continued down this path much longer, I, too, would sing that bitter, sad song.
No, it was better to cut my losses and get my head back in the game. Secretly, it had thrilled me when Adreax came to me this evening. I may have even hoped that he would do something rash like that. But when it was over, the same dreadful knowledge that overwhelmed me the day before settled in.
Adreax and I were just a little supernova, bursting with ambition and showering the universe with the fragments of our passion, only to burn out and vanish back into the universe from whence we came. We did not have the longevity of a newborn star. We would not shine on and on together. That was never our destiny, and I had to accept that. We were both past our prime, and we were both too married to our careers. Careers that put us at odds with one another, no matter which way I looked at it.
I leaned my head back in the seat and watched the night pass slowly by, telling myself that by morning I would have my emotions in check, and I would be ready to move on with no regrets. I even took out a notepad and started jotting down a list of items that we needed to recover from the research tent. We had had no serious run-ins with the Patrol in a few days, and I figured it was probably safe to gather our equipment if we hurried. I also took the time to run a critical scan of our shuttle’s systems, hoping to take stock of our current condition and plan for our eventual takeoff.
When there was nothing else left to do, I allowed myself to close my eyes and rest in the front seat. Soon, I was fast asleep right where I sat, my head lolling to one side.
I awoke some time later to the sound of the airlock being opened again. I didn’t look, assuming it was just Adreax going out to get some fresh air. I told myself it didn’t matter to me either way. I had no responsibility to check on him, and no desire to face him, knowing that I could not resist his touch. No, I needed to stay here and douse the flames of my desire.
I must have dozed off again, because I was shaken awake by Alec sometime after the sun came up, glaring into the cockpit and making me cover my eyes to avoid the burning pain.
“They’re gone.”
“Who?”
I sat bolt upright. Had the Patrol finally pulled out and left us in peace?
“Tayla, listen. Adreax and Herod are gone. They left during the night.”
I felt like someone had kicked me in the chest. All the breath was sucked out of me. Looking out the window, I could clearly see the Patrol ships still lying in wait. It was Adreax who had gone, leaving me in his wake without a word of goodbye.
Tears sprang to my eyes, and I fought the urge to scream. I shouldn’t want him. I told myself I didn’t want him. I swore I would never let him touch me again. And yet, the idea of him being gone so soon gutted me.
This. This was why I couldn’t be with him. Because even if we could work something out, every time he left to go racing across the universe, it would steal my focus and keep me from getting any work done. I would worry and fret until he returned, helpless in my own domain. All the things I told myself before about why we were wrong for each other, they were only a tiny sliver of the truth. But the feeling that filled me now was the whole truth. If I had to feel this every time he came and went, I might as well give up my entire career and throw away my dreams. That was the cold, hard reality of who we were: two different people on two different paths who shared a brief moment in space and time.
Never mind the fact that I wished that moment could have stretched out, just a little bit longer.
