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11
SILAS
By nightfall,I was so tired of sitting in the dark with Kiango and Ember, I actually wanted to rejoice at the fresh air that hit my face once we stepped out through the side door that led to the fields. I wanted to sprint through the tall grass and shout at the moon. However, I managed to keep my emotions in check and followed Kiango and Ember as they quietly led the way out to the clearing.
Beyond the tall stalks, I could still see the glittering lights coming from the palace's upper floors, and I was reminded of all the promise it had offered me the first time I laid eyes on it. Now, all of those promises had been broken.
"Let's begin," Kiango said softly, calling my attention back to him.
I moved to the center of the circle cast by the candle's light, facing him, and raised my hands to begin the prayers. Almost instantly I felt Re'Utu's presence, waiting for me. I breathed it in, feeling the power. He was close tonight, and He was angry. His energy tasted of fury and terror. I didn't like it. I didn't want it inside me. For the first time, I considered rejecting Re'Utu, pushing Him away and ridding myself of that awful feeling, but it was already too late. It wrapped around me, coiling inside me until I had no more room inside to drink it in.
"Good. Now focus and breathe His fires into life," Kiango directed quietly.
He held a second candle up in front of me, waiting patiently. I breathed out, letting go of the energy, but a movement at the edge of my vision made me lose control. My breath went out of me in a single burst, leaving me weak and shaky.
Kiango looked around in alarm, following my eyes. As he turned, Anya emerged from between the stalks, radiant in the moon's glow. But even from this distance, I could see the worry in her eyes. When she spotted me, she paused, staring me straight in the eye. After a moment, she broke away and went to Kiango, whispering something in his ear.
His face went from exhausted to furious in the blink of an eye. He threw a curious glance toward me and then nodded firmly. He said something to her that I couldn't hear, and I watched her walk away. For a split second, I felt a surge of disappointment that she was leaving. However, she took up a place beside Ember at the edge of the clearing and clasped her hands in front of her. She stood, watching me and only me, and my disappointment was replaced with a desperate need to show her that I could do this. I was born for this.
"Start again. Breathe slowly."
I looked at Anya and she gave me a soft smile of reassurance.
Arms raised overhead, I said the prayer and welcomed Re'Utu's power, slipping seamlessly into my armored form and relishing the heavy, restrictive nature of it. I harnessed the energy, letting it fill me, and then I closed my eyes and focused my breathing into a slow, steady stream. At first, nothing happened, but as I continued to pour myself out to Him, I felt the heat building inside me, and when I opened my eyes, the candle in Kiango's hand flickered with the faint flame that I had brought forth.
"Re'Utu has blessed you with His fires," Kiango muttered just loud enough for me to hear. "You will stand against the storms. You will Guard against His anger. When the people have run astray of His word, you will be there to accept the punishment. When He lashes out in fury at injustice, you will listen and feel his wrath in your body. This is what it is to be a Guardian of Re'Utu. Before these witnesses, it is so."
I bowed my head, relieved at Kiango's words and proud to have brought honor to my grandfather and all those who came before me. But my pride was undercut by a current of sadness. Sadness that my grandfather could not be here to see me take my vows. Sadness that I had to earn my title in this way, without the honor and glory it deserved. Sadness that I wasn't even sure if I wanted this anymore.
"We must go to the pools," Kiango continued, placing a firm hand on my shoulder and squeezing lightly. "You must be cleansed before He will accept you into His ranks formally."
"Is it safe?"
The pools were sacred. I had spent my whole childhood dreaming of the day that I would be placed under those waters and emerge cleansed, but it felt too risky now. Imrys might be down there or Trydan himself. If they saw me sinking down into Re'Utu's waters while Kiango spoke the vows, they would know what we had done.
"Do not worry. You will be safe," he assured me, his voice full of confidence that felt truly misplaced.
As I followed behind him, I caught Anya's eye and gave her a grateful smile. She returned the look and then fell in behind me with Ember. There was something invigorating about having her look at me like that, and having her so close again. And then I remembered the last time I'd gone down to the pools, and how I had fantasized about her when no one was there to interrupt my thoughts. I felt my body reacting again, my cock straining eagerly against my armor. If I didn't get myself under control before we reached the pools, everyone would see my desire when I stripped off my outer layers.
But even that sent me spiraling into another wave of damning thoughts. What would Anya think if she saw me like this? Would she know it was her that I hungered for? Would she be embarrassed for me? I could just imagine her cheeks lighting up with a rosy blush at the sight of me exposed. The image was so real, I almost groaned aloud as I walked.
Thankfully, the side door stood before us and Kiango led us through into the lower levels of the palace, setting a quick pace as we marched toward the sacred pools in silence.
As we approached the entrance, Kiango brought us to a halt and listened for several minutes. I could hear the drip of water and our tense breathing, but if there was something else out there, I couldn't tell. He seemed to be considering his next move, but Anya slid up beside me and went to him.
"I'll go first," she offered, and strode between the vaulted doorways before I could stop her. Once again, she was throwing herself into danger on my behalf, and it made me want her all the more. She shouldn't have had to do any of this, for me or anyone else. But she chose to, and that meant something to me that I couldn't yet name.
