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“Kenzie—”
“No, please. Let me say this.” The plea came out as a sob. He quieted. “You have to believe me, Bane. I didn’t know. Didn’t see. I loved my father. He was funny and goofy and loving. He’d pick us up from school and surprise us with ice cream cones, or drive us to the movie theater. He never raised his voice, spanked us, or sent us to bed without dinner. For fourteen years, I thought I had the best dad in the world. It wasn’t until Mom killed him that I saw the monster.”
Bane pulled me closer to him, rubbing my arms to warm me, but he didn’t interrupt.
Taking a deep breath, my story came out. “My mom and dad seemed like a normal couple. He went to work. She stayed home, taking care of us and the house. Mom had so much on her plate, he had me help out and pick up groceries at the corner store. When Mom was busy cleaning, he picked us up from school. Mom was tired after a long day, so Daddy would help us with our homework.”
My eyes fluttered shut, unable to spend another second drowning in his. “Even when he pulled out the timer, setting the minutes she could use the bathroom or shower, Dad had an explanation for that too. ‘It’s the four of us and one bathroom, we want to make sure everyone gets equal time.’
“And I believed that like a little fool. I swallowed all of my father’s logical explanations for isolating my mother. For cutting her off from her friends, never letting her leave the house alone, making her go to bed and wake up when he ordered, for only allowing her three minutes to pee. Mom didn’t speak against him, Dad never lost his charming smile, and I just didn’t see it. I didn’t see that my home... was a cage.”
I didn’t carry on for a long time. Bane was patient, letting us sit in silence until I was ready to break it.
“A couple weeks after my fourteenth birthday, Dad and I were at the kitchen table going over my homework while Mom made dinner. I got up, saying I had to use the bathroom, and for the first time, he pulled out the timer and told me to be back in three minutes. I was washing my hands when I heard the gunshot.”
“Kenzie, I’m so sorry.”
“She didn’t try to get away with it. Mom called the police herself. She held up her hands to be cuffed. I screamed and cried and demanded to know why she did it. She didn’t say a word to me until they escorted her out the door. Mom turned to me and said, ‘You’re free now.’”
Shaking myself, I wiped my face on my borrowed sleeve, breaking his hold. “I can’t say why I’m sharing this with someone I just met. A horny hermit man in the woods who almost blew me up.” We both cracked a smile.
“Except that... my dad was the first,” I admitted. “He was the first man to fool me into believing he was anything but a monster. Men have been fooling me ever since, and it’s no wonder. I’ve always been a fool—oblivious to what’s going on right in front of me.”
“Don’t say that,” Bane said. His force blew me back. “You were a kid, Mackenzie. Kids believe in the worlds their parents create for them.”
“I’ve told myself that and a host of excuses and platitudes over the years. I’ve repeated all the positive psychobabble from the therapists, and some days, I believe it. Other days, I count up all the mistakes I made in my life and with the men I chose, and all the same thoughts cross my mind, Bane. Wouldn’t it make sense to swear off love and dating? Couldn’t I have told Sienna to figure out her own life instead of stretching myself out so thin, I couldn’t support either of us anymore and we ended up on the street? Why continue visiting my mother in prison when she reminds me of everything I wish to forget? Love and family have taken so much from me, why don’t I say no more?”
He leaned back, sighing as he looked away. “You choose not to and now I have to do the same? I appreciate how difficult it was to share your story, but we live different lives.”
“I didn’t choose, Bane.” I gently turned him to face me. “I’m single, and since my last, I’ve rejected every guy that comes my way. I haven’t seen my mother for months. When we had spare change, Sienna was the one who called the prison to talk to her. I was too ashamed. Still am. As for supporting Sienna and giving my sister her life back, I can’t even do that for myself.
