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“Years ago, I made a choice to give up love, marriage, children, friends. It’s a lot easier to keep that promise when none are around me.”
“Why?” I rasped. “Why make such a promise?”
“Should I tell you the truth again?”
I nodded.
“Will it make you cry?”
Resting my hand on his wrist, I nodded.
“When I was nine, my parents took us to the park. Despite what people say about my family, my folks did everything to give us a normal childhood. They shielded us from the truth of what they did, and filled our lives with pancake breakfasts, Christmas parties, soccer practice, and everything they wanted from the childhoods they didn’t have.
“When the guy snatched me off the playground, hissing in my ear that my parents would find nothing but pieces of me, I didn’t know why.”
“Oh my gosh, Bane, were you—?” My throat bobbed hard. “What did he do?”
“Nothing. Never got the chance,” he said. “My dad saw him duck behind the hedges with me and chased him down. Dad ripped me out of his arms and... he didn’t pause or think of me standing there. Roaring, he snapped his neck in two, killing him in front of me. That was the first time I saw my dad lose control—let alone hurt someone.”
“I’m sorry. I can’t imagine how traumatic that was for you.”
“It was, but not in the way you’re thinking. After he killed him and the mist cleared, Dad broke down. He hugged me—apologizing, crying, speaking more words than he had in a week. Guilt racked him for letting me witness him kill. For making me the target of bloodthirsty killers. In one afternoon, my blissful childhood was over, and he blamed himself.
“That’s how he remembers that day, but you want to know what I remember when I look back?”
“What?” I whispered.
“That’s the day love broke my father. He broke his vow because of love for his son. He destroyed my world because he loved his son. He apologized for being who I needed him to be, for saving me, because he loved me. That was the day I realized that I made the strongest man I know... weak.”
Bane held my gaze, trapping it under a darkening sky. He touched my cheek—a light, gentle graze, collecting my tears.
“I promised that day I’d never do that to him, my mother, or my fathers again. To my brothers, sisters, nieces, or nephews. I trained hard. I turned my body into a weapon, then I mastered all the others out there. I wasn’t going to be that helpless, clueless child. My death would not be used to destroy my family. Over the years, my promise grew to include a wife, girlfriend, or child.
“Arms dealers have a short life expectancy. How can I have a kid knowing I’ll likely never see them graduate? How can I ask the woman I love to sit at home late at night, wondering if I walked out the door that day for the last time? And don’t let me forget the danger they’d have to live with every day. Liam was forced to take Tricky out of school. Her normal childhood ended at four. At least I got five extra years.
“That’s the real reason, Kenzie. It’s why monks live on top of mountains, and I live in a cabin in the woods. Why surround yourself with all the things you can’t have?”
“Bane, you can.” I surged over, palming his cheek. “It doesn’t have to be this way. You have to know that. Genny told me your oldest sisters are out of the life. They have families and normal lives. You can too.”
He was shaking his head before I finished. “This is who I am. Polite society was never meant for me. I was born to punch first.”
“I don’t believe you.” My voice rose. “None of this is as set in stone as you’ve convinced yourself it is. I live a dangerous life, so I’m going to get killed or get my family killed. No, Bane. No one’s life is guaranteed. No one has the picture-perfect family that’s promised to reach old age together. It’s a messy, frightening, crazy world but you find people who’ll be by your side, walking through it together. That’s how it works.”
“I know you don’t understand—”
“I do understand. You’re not the only one who was ripped out of a blissful childhood. I know that love destroys you.” Tears soaked my face. “It’s been killing me for nine years.”
Bane sat up. “Kenzie, I didn’t mean to upset you. Let’s just go inside, eat dinner, watch a movie—”
“No,” I said, grasping his arms. “We’re telling the truth tonight, Bane, even if we think less of each other. So, this is the truth—when I was fourteen, my mother shot my father in the heart. She’s currently serving a fifteen-year sentence in Cinco Pen for murder.”
