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My tastes have completely changed.
“Yes,” I lie because I am not getting into this with Andrew. He doesn’t get this part of me. He had it, and then he threw it all away.
“A guy like that,” he replies softly with a smug look on his face. “It doesn’t bother him that you’re…you?”
I just stare blankly at him. God, my sisters were right. He always made me feel like shit, about everything. I should have recognized the signs earlier and ran, but I didn’t.
He’d use small, subtle digs and jabs, trying to tear down my self-esteem. To him, I was always too boring, too introverted, too quiet, and too grumpy. Nothing was off-limits to his ridicule, not even my body. He made sure that I felt lesser than, in every way. Looking back, I realize it was all just a fucked up effort to make me feel too insecure about myself to leave him, thinking no one else would want me. And sadly, it worked. I’d stayed for far too long.
Never again.
“Go away,” I say, turning my face forward and grabbing my laptop out of my bag.
But he doesn’t leave, he just looms, and not at all in a sexy way.
I don’t dare check my phone to see if Luke has responded because I don’t want Andrew to see. I want this part of my life to remain the way it is––private. Well, as much as it can be with my sisters involved.
Finally, the speaker announces a break, and I scramble to find a new place to sit, but Andrew’s still there, eyeing me from across the room.
I resist the urge to flip him off or shout something very unprofessional in his general direction. Why can’t he just leave me alone?
Maybe no one wants to sit with him because he’s a dickhead with a questionable personality.Maybe all of his friends realized what an asshole he is and left him. Either way, I don’t care. I stopped having feelings for this man years ago.
My phone pings, and I glance down at it and see Luke with his arm thrown around a woman I don’t recognize. Immediately, my blood pressure skyrockets, and my lips turn down into a frown. Well, this day couldn’t get any worse. First, Andrew and now it seems Luke has gone off and found my replacement.
Luke:Made a friend while rocking climbing.
Luke:Her name is Denise.
Luke:Look at this.
Then another picture comes in of him, obviously taken by his new friend, as he scales a steep rockface. I don’t need to look hard to know it’s him. I’ve studied that body in detail. I slide my fingers across the screen, enlarging the image.
What the hell? Is this what he’s doing this morning?
I zoom in some more and ogle the muscles in his arms, clearly not paying attention to what the speaker is saying. I spent thousands to be here, and I’m not even listening because Luke looks like sex scaling that mountain. He has no business doing that. It looks dangerous.
Another picture pops up of him giving a thumbs up to the person on the ground, and I click my phone off. Then I click it on.
Then I zoom in again.
Me:That does not look safe.
Luke:Nah, Doc. I made it down just fine. Just gotta trust the rope.
I stare at his words and shift in my seat. Trust the rope? I barely trust myself, especially with the decisions I’ve made recently. I’m not sure I could trust a fucking rope.
Luke:You worried about me?
Absolutely not. I am not worried at all, but then visions of him on a gurney, broken and bloody, cause my breath to catch in my throat. I click my phone off and press my hands onto the armrests, squeezing my eyes shut. I need to get it together, to act like a rational, logical being, but the entire time the speaker drones on and on, I think abouthim.
When the conference is done, I rush to the hotel room and exhale when I hear that the shower is on.
I lean against the wall to catch my breath and then stand up straight and swipe a hand through my hair.
I’m fine. This is fine.He’s fine.
Moving into the steamy bathroom, I see the silhouette of Luke behind the glass door, and I feel my mouth go dry. It’s the Sahara in there. I need a glass of cool water. Where’s the fucking oasis when I need it?
