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“That depends on you,” he says. “If you want to spend time with me, I’ll stay.”
My breath leaves my chest in a whoosh. That’s a big commitment and I’m speechless. Am I supposed to just watch him die? Will I be his caretaker?
Will I have to make the choice to take him off life support like I had to do with my mom?
I’m not sure I can do that again.
My vision starts to narrow, and I clench onto Logan’s hand tighter.
He seems to read my distress because he says, “What would that entail? Because Theo is busy with school. He can’t be at your side 24-7.”
I glance over at him, my eyes stinging, my throat sore.
Fuck. This guy. How is he so perfect all the time?
“I would hire hospice near the end. I would just hope to see you when you’re free…whenever you want.”
“Why?” I ask.
The question hangs between us, and my dad looks away, swallowing roughly.
“Dying puts things into perspective.”
It seems so, since he’s here, meeting with me and looking remorseful.
“Okay,” I whisper. “We’ll see how it goes.”
Shit. Now my dad looks happy, his eyes lighting up.
I blame Logan for this, for softening my hard heart. There’s no going back to the way I was.
We spend the next thirty minutes chatting. Mostly, it’s my dad asking about how I’m doing in school. I’m glad he keeps it superficial; I’m not sure I could handle anything else at the moment.
When we’re done, I feel completely wrung out.
“You okay?” Logan asks as we walk to his car.
“Yeah. I will be.”
He pulls me into his chest, hugging me tightly, his soft lips against my neck. He said he was a hugger and it’s true. It’s all he seems to do now that I’ve given him the green light to touch me whenever he wants.
I wrap my arms around his back and don’t let go.
I’m just going to hold on for a little longer.
twenty
LOGAN
“My chem final is tomorrow,”I tell Theo. He shifts between my legs, glancing up at me, the chemistry book open on his lap. Look at those pretty fucking eyes. I remember thinking they were eerie at first, but now I know how wrong I was. They are stunning and I am obsessed.
I can’t help myself. I press my lips to his.
It’s been two weeks since Thanksgiving, and I’ve seen Theo every day. It’s similar to how it was before, except most nights I sleep over and we stay up late talking. He’s told me all about how it was growing up with Sutherland as a dad, how much disappointment he’s faced in his life, and despite it all, how amazing and supportive his mom was.
He’s also mentioned the bullying a few times and he keeps it pretty vague, but it’s still enough to make my blood boil.
I just hold him a little tighter when those tidbits come tumbling out.
