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Logan’s fingers dig into my sides, and he presses his forehead against mine.
“But I’m not them. I won’t hurt you.”
Oh, he thinks that, but he will.
Right?
I don’t know anymore.
“Popular jocks like you only care about what I can give them. They pretend to like me until they get what they want and then they dispose of me.”
“No—”
But I cut him off. “I’ve been told one too many times that I willneverbe good enough for someone like you.”
Logan shakes his head. “You are good enough. If anything, I’m not good enough for you. You’re the smartest person I’ve ever met.”
Jesus, what is he saying? He can’t mean that.
“My freshman year in college, I tutored a handsome athlete and…” I swallow, looking away from him. “He acted like he was into me so he could use me, so that I would give him my tutoring time and do everything I could to help him pass. He pretended he wanted to be my friend at first, and then he pretended he wanted more. He even fucked me. But then he began to get mean and say things…horrible things…but I was so naïve and into him that I let it go. And when the semester was over, and he had what he wanted, he ended it. He fucking laughed in my face. Told me it was ridiculous and hilarious that I actually believed he could be with someone like me.”
“Theo…”
“He used me. And you know the fucked-up thing? That’s not even the first time that’s happened. I should have learned my lesson in high school. And now you want me to believe thattheLogan Lewis could ever seriously be into me? No. I won’t let myself be vulnerable like that again. You have to understand. Men like you and I don’t mix.”
Logan sighs, his eyes shutting for a minute.
Curie meows, breaking the silence, and Logan’s eyes snap open.
“Yeah, okay. I get it.”
I gnaw on my lip as I watch him.
“If you need to keep this transactional or whatever, we can do that. Tutoring for sex. I won’t make this more than it is,” he says defeatedly.
“Okay.” I swallow, my throat bobbing. This is what I want, right? Then why does it feel so awful?
His hands tighten on my waist and then he gently moves me off of him. He hands me the chem book and pulls out his notebook.
“We better get to it.”
I peek over at him and feel my heart stutter. God, he’s gorgeous and so damn nice. I want to kiss his kind mouth, run my hands through his hair, and feel him inside of me again.
But I don’t do any of that.
It’s better this way. We’re both better off this way, right?
I sit and explain all the concepts in the chapter, and when we’re done and he walks out my door, I stand in the middle of my lonely apartment, waiting for him to come back inside.
To take me, to take what he wants.
But he doesn’t come back.
And for the first time, I worry that Logan will find someone who won’t treat him like a business deal.
And then he won’t come back at all.
* * *
