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When she goes, Rory and I continue on the subject of Christmas, and he tells me he doesn’t have any firm plans for the festive season yet. He’s only just started thinking about it. I feel Lois’s presence at that point, but the slightly breathless way I’m feeling inside– after Rory said all those lovely things about me earlier– is still refusing to die down.
But by the time we’re getting up to leave, I’ve managed to rationalise my feelings.
It’s not every day a girl gets told she’s dazzling. So of course I was happy.
But Rory was being kind, that’s all... trying to lift me out of the black hole I’d fallen into. And he definitely succeeded.
The receptionist waves cheerily as we walk out into the icy November morning.
‘Thank you.’ I smile up at Rory, my breath emerging like little puffs of smoke. ‘I feel so much better.’
‘Good. Phone me any time you need to chat, okay?’
‘I’ll see you at the house, hopefully. If we can get Lois talking to Irene.’
He nods. ‘Of course. But your house... well, it’s not always the calmest place to discuss... things.’
‘True.’
‘So you’ll call me if things get too hot to handle?’
‘I will. I promise.’
We smile at each other, and I think to myself that the warmth glowing in his eyes as he looks at me is probably enough to keep me feeling toasty for the rest of the day.
‘Come on, then. I’d better get you home so you can get Bertie off to school.’
‘Gosh, yes. Look at the time. But you need to buy eggs and bacon first.’
‘I’ll drop you at home first then I’ll come back. Hey, isn’t that Shaun over there?’
I look in the direction of his gaze as we walk over the road to his car, and sure enough, it is. Shaun has his back to me, but the messy dark blond hair and neon yellow jacket are the give-aways.
I’m about to call out his name, but something stops me. I think it’s because he’s deep in conversation with the woman he’s with– who I recognise as his ex-girlfriend, Harriet.
Rory nods in Shaun’s direction. ‘Do you want to...?’
‘No, no. He... looks as if he’s busy. And I need to get back to Bertie.’
We walk on and I turn back just as Shaun takes Harriet into his arms and she leans into him and kisses him lingeringly. The bottom falls out of my stomach. Is he cheating on me with his ex? That’s one of the oldest, corniest stories in the book. I really thought Shaun was different. But maybe he’s still in love with Harriet. I mightlooklike her, but I’m notactually her. Perhaps that’s always been the problem...
‘He... seems like a good guy,’ says Rory, who hasn’t seen the kiss, once we’re back in the car. ‘Shaun.’
‘Yes. Yes, he is. He’s far too good for me,’ I add, only half-joking.
He laughs. ‘What rubbish.’
‘Thanks. But I’m serious. I’m just not sure if we’re meant to be... you know?’
I’m expecting Rory to bat away my doubts. In fact, I’m really hoping he will. But instead, he’s silent, thinking about it. ‘Is it a friends thing, maybe?’ he says at last.
‘Friends?’ I stare at him.Is that how he sees Shaun and me as a couple, then?
He shrugs. ‘Sometimes a relationship leans more towards friendship than passion. That’s all I meant. And it’s not necessarily a bad thing.’
‘Right, so you’re assuming there’s no chance for passion in my relationship with Shaun?’ I say, a little more snippily than I intended.
‘No, no. I didn’t mean that.’ Rory looks over, confused by my too-brisk response. ‘In actual fact, I think a good friendship is always the basis of the best relationships. If there’s passion as well, so much the better.’ He pauses, staring pensively ahead. ‘But physical attraction in itself can blind you sometimes... make you imagine things that aren’t actually there.’
