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“So, you’re saying that I fucked up beyond what I can fix?” The question felt like razor blades tearing up my throat, but that’s what I was hearing.
“I don’t know,” he answered brutally. “All I know is that Kincaid will never let herself fall in love again if that will keep her from ever feeling what she felt last night. However, not only will she keep herself from falling in love again, but she’ll also keep herself from falling in love with you, too.”
“Don’t say that,” I bit out.
“It’s true, Fox.” He let out another deep sigh before adding, “Here’s the thing, Harrington. While you were off spouting how Kincaid must not have loved you as much as you loved her because she couldn’t see that you would have supported her had you known, you apparently didn’t love her enough to notice that she was seriously emotionally damaged.” If Saxton had been going for a direct hit, he got it. “While I’m sure you’re a stud in the sack and all, you never wondered why she was so manic whenever she was with you? You never wondered why it was all so blissfully consuming?”
“I-”
“Kincaid didn’t just love you, Fox,” he continued, interrupting me. “She needed you. She fell in love with you, and you were the only thing that had the power to distract her from the only thing that she’s been obsessed with for years. You made her feel happy enough to forget how miserable she was.”
Regret and anger were swirling around in the pit of my stomach. “How in the fuck was I supposed to know that?!” I roared.
“You weren’t,” he said, pity still lining his eyes, pity in his voice. “That’s why you’re not the bad guy here. That’s why she’s not mad at you. That’s why she won’t let anyone else be mad at you for the shitshow you two are starring in.”
“What?” I heard him just fine, but I didn’t like what he was saying. I wanted Kincaid mad as fuck at me. I didn’t want her indifferent to the possibility of me hooking up with some other girl last night. Everyone knew that hate was better than indifference.
“When I talked to her about those pictures, do you want to know what she said?”
No.
I nodded. “What did she say?”
“She said, good for you.” He might as well have kicked my chest in. “She said, hopefully now that he’s gotten even, he can move on. She said, and maybe now the guilt won’t keep eating me alive, and I can finally move on, too.” My knees actually weakened at that. “You can’t win, Fox. As long as Kincaid can manage her emotions like goddamn chess pieces, you can’t win.”
“I don’t need to win, Saxton,” I said, sounding exactly like a man who’s lost everything. “I just need Kincaid.”
“At the cost of your sanity?” he balked. “Because that’s what it’s going to end up costing you, Harrington. I should know. My only saving grace is that I’m not in love with her. If I were, I probably would have put a bullet through my brain years ago.”
I eyed Kincaid’s best friend, the person who knew her best. “What would you do if you lost Hastings?”
His back snapped straight. “I’m never going to lose Hastings. I won’t allow it.”
I almost smiled at that. Instead, I said, “Once my anger subsided last night, the thought of truly never seeing her again reached up and practically choked me. We both know that she doesn’t need to attend Hales to get her degree and follow in her father’s footsteps. She can do that from anywhere. She came here with a singular purpose in mind only. So, knowing that she can leave at any time, knowing that I might never see her again because anger got the best of me and revenge is consuming her…well, I can’t have that, Saxton. I just can’t.”
“Then I wish you the best of luck, Fox. I really do,” he replied. “Even after she gets her revenge, it’s going to take a long time to fix all that’s broken with her.”
“Who says I want to fix what’s broken?” I asked him. “I fell in love with Kincaid while she was broken. That’s the girl I’m in love with. Not the perfect version of her, but the real version of her.”
Saxton smiled at me, and it reached his eyes. No longer looking at me with pity, he said, “She went to threaten Alexander again,” he finally admitted. “She’ll be home soon.”
Running my hands down my face, I said, “Of course, that’s where she’s at. I mean, where else would she fucking be?”
