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My heart skips a beat and my stomach compresses, preventing me from breathing properly. The impassive mask cracks, as Gabriel’s remark upset me.
“I don’t see what you’re talking about.”
My voice is feverish, and he must not be fooled. I’m more agitated inside than I want to let on.
“I’m sorry to say it like this. If Milo were here, he’d tell me to mind my own business and I normally would have, but I like you—even though we’ve only known each other since this evening started.”
I don’t answer, far too shaken by what he’s sayingout loud. Unable to contradict him, I just stand there listening to him whisper things while all the guys are in the other room. It’s the first time in my life that someone, outside of my circle of friends,understands. I have no idea how I’m supposed to react. Because I never had to.
“I don’t know how long this has been going on, your… I don’t even know what to call it either. But I won’t say anything, I just wanted to warn you. I guess you’ve known him longer than I have, and you must know why I’m saying that. Nolan is… Nolan.”
“I know.”
My barely audible answer comes out like a croak from the back of my throat, and Gabriel doesn’t need to say more for me to understand what he’s trying to do. Warn me. Nolancanbreak my heart, because he doesn’t see me as anything other than a friend, sister, kid, untouchable. He doesn’t want me. Doesn’t look at me like I’m a girl who could potentially fit his criteria. Nolan flirts, hits on, fucks whoever he wants. Everyone, except me. Because I’m Edgar’s sister and he never looked at me that way.
“I’m sorry, I should have kept my mouth shut. I’m an asshole.”
I shake my head silently and finally add in a barely audible voice, “Is it that obvious? That I—”
I fiddle with my ponytail and Gabriel sighs.
“I think I know how to recognize one-sided love looks. I was in your situation for a while. Afterwards, if it makes you feel any better, Milo doesn’t seem to have noticed anything about yourfeelings, and Edgar… well, if Edgar suspected anything, Nolan would already be six feet under and you in a convent. Am I wrong?”
I giggle nervously and Gabriel approaches me. Putting a hand on my shoulder, he gently pulls me into a hug. It’s his way of apologizing for bringing up the subject, and while I should blame him for acting like he knows better than everyone else, I know he didn’t mean it to hurt me.
Just warning me about something I already knew.
But that I still can’t get my head around it. To accept.
And yet it’s been more than ten years.
***
I’m lying on the couch, my head resting on my hand, and I’m staring at the show on the TV that was supposed to put me to sleep. It’s after one o’clock in the morning. We got home less than two hours ago, and after spending some time in my room, I knew I was never going to be able to fall asleep. Not after the conversation I had with Gabriel.
He understood.
He noticed.
This had never happened before.
I sigh, retrieving the remote to change it again.
“Why are you picking on this poor remote?”
My heart flutters, and I feign ignorance, staying focused on the scrolling channels as a mass sits beside me.
“Not tired?”
“I just finished working on something,” he admits. “I heard you coming out and thought I’d come see you for five minutes.”
“So, no show?”
He laughs and grabs the plaid blanket as usual to place it on his thighs. He raises a hand, massaging the back of his neck for a moment, and I look at his tensed biceps.
“I can make an exception foroneepisode.”
“Amateur,” I scoff.
