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“I don’t even know what’s between us anymore.”
Our friendship keeps changing, sometimes the same as before, sometimes cold and tense. After what I call being thefirstfakekiss, it was crap. The distance, the ignorance, we no longer knew what to do, then everything came back. The jokes, the playful jabs, the couch routine. Until it got even worse. Harder, faster, more intense. I saw the gleam in his eyes, felt the warmth of his hands, the roundness of his mouth, the power of his gestures.
I close my eyes and breathe.Nothingwill ever be the same again. Not afterthat.
“And with Corey, what are you going to do?”
I look up at Paige, hit by the question that I’ve been avoiding thinking about.
“I don’t know…”
Actually, I do know. I’ve known for a while now but saying it out loud is like acknowledging the new love failure I’m about to experience.
Always for the same reason.
He’s nothim.
“I think I’m going to break up with him.”
The girls don’t say anything, as if they knew before me that it was inevitable.
“I was about to have sex with Nolan on that couch. Does that make me a bitch? I shouldn’t even look Corey in the eye. I’m terrible!”
I pass a hand over my face and then through my hair, which I nervously tangle.
“Hey,” Paige continues. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You have feelings, you’re human. You can’t control that. You’ve had this guy under your skin for years. You knew that living with him was going to be difficult, but you tried. You gave a boy a chance and it didn’t work out. It’s okay, it happens, and what Corey doesn’t knowcan’thurt him.
“Do you think I shouldn’t tell him?”
“What’s the point? Paige is right, if you decide to break upwith him, it might already be complicated enough, no need to add theNolanpart. Corey deserves to find a girl, but if it’s not you, then so be it. You are young, there’s no point in forcing yourself when you have your life ahead of you.”
“I don’t even know where to start,” I whimper. “He’ll hate me.”
“It’s a break-up, Scarlett, of course he’s going to hate you. The most important thing is to protect yourself.”
“And to talk to Nolan,” Carol says. “Because what he’s doing right now isn’t right. He must know. Heneedsto know about your feelings.”
“No! It’s gonna screw it all up.”
“Scarlett, you already screwed itallup!”
I sigh.
“He’s going to reject me.”
“He’s going to act like an adult!” Paige exclaims. “He’ll stop hurting you unnecessarily just to fulfill an impulse, drunk.”
I lift my paper cup to my lips and the cold tea touching my tongue makes me wince. My stomach lurches and a huge ball compresses my throat. He never let animpulse, even drunk, dictate his behavior.
So why now?
“I met a guy,” Carol finally tells after a long minute.
I take no offense at this sudden change in conversation and jump at the opportunity to continue, “What! Who is he?”
“What does it look like? Show us!”
Carol laughs and we both throw ourselves on her phone to get as much information as possible.
