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His head tilts back and he stares at the ceiling for a long second, huffing. He finally straightens up, puts a hand behind my neck, and tilts his head. When I think I see him put his lips on mine, he stops higher. Kissing my forehead in a soft, cold kiss. His breath rushes over my skin and then he moves away, keeping my neck in his warm hand.
“Cheater,” I whisper.
He’s laughing.
“You are playing with fire, Scarlett.”
“What if I want to get burned?”
“We can’t do that. You know it very well.”
His voice has become frank again and he steps back quickly. Footsteps upstairs bring us both back to reality. The door at the top of the stairs opens and Edgar says, “Are you guys coming?”
“Be right there!” Nolan replies, continuing to stare at me.
Edgar closes the door and silence envelops us again. The tension has increased, less sexual, it’s above all very oppressive. Made up of things unsaid things, forbidden things, and frustration.
“Edgar is mybrother. You know that better than anyone. We can’t keep doing this. To let go. This is going to screw everything up and I don’t want to lose you two. You are my family, Scarlett.”
I grimace. “This is not what I felt like on Friday night.”
His breathing becomes heavy and his jaw clenches. “Friday night was amistake.”
“There are a lot of mistakes in your life, Nolan, and many excuses,” I say.
“Don’t mess with me,” he says. “You know as I do that nothing good can come of this. Please.”
This time there is no longer any trace of anger in his voice, but a sharp and intense pain that crosses his face. My heart tightens.
Nolan never begs.
And in that moment, I know we’ve gone way too far for him.
27
Scarlett
Fifteen days.
Fifteen days since Nolan and I slept together in this backyard, and we have far passed the point of controlled slippage. A kiss is an accident, two kisses is lust.
Fuckingis unspeakable. I thought we’d learn to deal with it, it wasn’t on our first time. However, I have never been so wrong in my life. Why? Because Nolan is worse than before. Colder. More distant. And his remorse seems to be at an all-time high.
Me? I suffer, repress. And tonight? I’m giving up.
He can go to hell.
Sitting on a wooden chair, sipping a beer offered by a new recruit from the Terriers, I observe the bar where we have chosen. Right after practice, I got a call from my brother asking me to go out with him and some players for a drink. I accepted right away, telling myself that an evening with people could not hurt me. With the girls stuck in the library for an assignment I finished a week ago, I had no choice but to follow Edgar if I wanted to get some fresh air. Except that here,this choicewas also guided by a significant circumstance: the presence of Nolan. He’s leaning against the counter and chatting with a blonde with outrageously high cleavage.
Obviously, it’s the uniform of the house, because when I look at the waitresses who wander among the tables, I see that they are scantily clad. Girls in micro shorts sell. There’s one who has been taking the bait for several minutes and I’m mumbling in my corner. I had hoped to find a loophole to talk to him, to forcetheconversation he’s been avoiding for several days. I don’t run into him at night anymore, when I spend a night on the couch, he doesn’t leave his room, doesn’t take me to college when we have the same schedules, ignores my attempts to makehim laugh when I see him and it’s begun to arouse my brother’s suspicions.
I give up, did I say? It would be easier if jealousy didn’t eat everything in its path.
“Are you okay, Scar?”
Leo slumps in the chair and takes a sip from his glass with a goofy smile on his face. I laugh just seeing his contagious good mood.
“Life is good, huh? A beer, friends, hot guys as far as the eye can see.”
