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28
Nolan
My fist smashes against the first wall I see, and a searing pain radiates through my hand.
“Hey, man, you okay?”
A guy stands next to me, avoiding touching me. He doesn’t move, waiting for me to turn towards him. I wiggle my fingers that have hit the hard surface, checking that I haven’t foolishly broken a knuckle, and size the blond guy standing next to me.
“Did you hurt yourself?”
“Nothing’s broken,” I say.
“Was it your girl?”
I glare at him, he pulls back slightly, raising his arms in front of him to keep me from throwing myself at him. Obviously, I look angry enough to dissuade him from trying to calm me down.
“Sorry, man, I mind my own business! Just watch out for the walls, the bar owners are friends of mine.”
I just nod, walk around him, and walk out of the hallway. My hand is burning, but it’s nothing compared to what’s raging in my chest. I’m pissed off, frustrated. I’m tired of running away, tired of everything I feel whenshe’s around, tired of trying to avoid her, tired of fighting against everything.
My memories.
My new fantasies.
Myfuckingfeelings.
I’m into Scarlett, and the more I try to get away from her, the more forcefully it hits me. Seeing her tonight with the other Peals, annoyed me. The waitress couldn’t even keep me occupied for more than two minutes. I was too aware of the presence of her presence to relax tonight. I felt miserable doing this in front of her, doing this when I didn’t even want to.
I just needed to stop thinking.
A huge failure, considering what I did next.
I was the worst motherfucker. Warn her, threaten her, insult her. I hurt her more than once, as I fought all these years with Edgar and Leo so that she wouldn’t fall for the kind of guy I am when I’m with her. The asshole who doesn’t care about her.
If I were humanly capable of it, I would beat myself up. Unless I tell Edgar everything and let fate do its thing.
What a fucking irony.
I don’t want to be with her for fear of having to confront her brother, and my behavior deserves for him to beat me up.
I do everything wrong.
I cross the bar quickly, grab my jacket from the table that has been taken over by a few guys from the team, and see Leo further away. I don’t look anywhere else, unaware of where Scarlett is, and rush to my buddy.
“I need to get the hell out of there.”
Leo holds me back before I walk around him, and stares at me for a second.
“Are you mad?”
“Need to sleep,” I lie. “I’ll take a cab.”
He says nothing and letting go of my arm to let me leave the bar in silence. I wave at the first cab I see and tell him the address of the apartment. When I arrive in front of the building, the ride has not lowered the pressure and annoyance is still boiling in my veins. I climb the stairs two at a time and rush to my room. Dropping my jacket and my clothes on the floor, I put on a shapeless wifebeater and a gray gym short before dropping on my bed. I scan the ceiling, trying to calm my breathing, but it’s not working. My hand itches, but I’d rather feel the throbbing pain that reminds me of how stupid I’ve been, than put ice on it.
I should call Harriet, apologize, and get her back. I was goodwith her, she was funny, bubbly, fearless and honest. Sometimes annoying, but I liked her.
I should have stayed with her. Despite what happened with Scarlett.
