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Because ofwhat happened with Scarlett.
I sigh, grab my phone, ready to text her to see her, then change my mind. It’s two o’clock in the morning. Trying to win back a girl to forget another, what kind of piece of shit am I? I toss my phone to the other end of the bed, then get up, walk around the room for several minutes before going to the one place I should avoid. I walk into the room next to mine and the smell of jasmine, Scarlett’s signature, turns my guts upside down. I breathe in deeply, intoxicate myself, while looking around me. I’ve been here tons of times when it was still Milo’s room, but since Scarlett moved in, I’ve only been in there once.
When I had two grams and I wanted to sleep with my girlfriend.
I laugh thinking about Scarlett. The anger she felt when she surprised us, her murderous gaze, and the panicky move she made to hide her chest under the T-shirt she had been wearing all evening.
Red underwear.
I remember it like it was yesterday, because it was from that night that I understood one thing; Scarlett had changed. The unbearable kid had given way to a sexy, lively girl, with an amazing ass and endless legs. My desire only increased over the weeks until it overwhelmed me on all sides.
The smell in her room brings up a lot of emotions in me and I close my eyes trying to regulate the jolts in my chest. Then I think back to that night, to what made me break my barrier, to let out my desire, my impulses, and make love to her in the seedy backyard of the nightclub. When I saw her dancing with the guy on the dance floor, I lost it. For days nothing was goingright between us, days that we avoided each other despite the moment when we would inevitably bump into each other in the hallway, during meals or when leaving the bathroom. I don’t know which was worse, living with her when I couldn’t have her or pretending it didn’t affect me.
Because,fuck, it fucked me up and with what happened tonight, I think it’s about time I stopped fighting it. If I had dreamed of making love to her tons of times lately, I was not expectingthisat all. I see her eyes again, her mouth around my cock, her heart-shaped lips, the movements of her hips. I can hear the sounds of her breathing again.
My boner awakens and I jump when the bedroom door behind me opens. Scarlett freezes when she sees me, then frowns in annoyance.
“What are you doing here?”
I run a nervous hand through my hair. It’s time to assume, to tell her that I like her, that when I see her with other guys, I’m crazy, that I want her, and that I just can’t ignore her anymore.
“We need to talk.”
“The guys will be here any minute.”
She walks through the door, takes off her jacket, and lays it on the back of her chair. Knowing that we won’t be alone for long, that Edgar will be arriving soon, that he could surprise us, hear us, that should hold me back. But instead, I blurt out, “Did you come home alone in a cab?”
“I took Ed’s car.”
I purse my lips, keeping another burst of worry from making me speak too quickly. She shouldn’t have hit the road after the few drinks she had. The guys should have stayed with her, and I blame her brother for not paying more attention.
“I need to sleep; will you be long?”
She crosses her arms over her chest, and I glance quickly at her breasts, which rise with the movement. I inhale and start,“I’m sorry for what I said to you earlier. I was a jerk.”
She sneers.
“I’m a jerk.”
“Yeah. Great.”
“Scar, I really mean it. I’m sorry, okay?”
I walk up to her slowly, she steps back.
“Okay. If that’s all you want to tell me, then you can go away. I’m sleepy.”
She walks around me and puts her phone on her bedside table. I don’t move, struggling for a long second with all the thoughts that storm me. Stay, hold her, leave. Stop fighting.
“I have no regrets,” I finally say, turning to her.
I catch her eye.
“You and me. I wish I had remorse. But I don’t have any.”
I stay silent, judging her reaction. She does everything to remain unmoved, but I overhear her breathing cut off and her muscles stiffen. So, I continue, “I lied when I told you I forgot. I didn’t forget anything at all. I wanted it all the time. What happened in the nightclub was inevitable.”
“You said it was a mistake and we shouldn’t talk about it anymore.”
