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I cover my face with both hands again, letting them slowly slide down. The anguish that has me in its grip infuses my voice, but I can't look at Calli when I say the words. "A bairn's a baby. She's pregnant, and she says it's mine."
Chapter Thirty-One
I swear the weight of the entire universe has slammed down on top of me, like every moon, planet, and asteroid has targeted me for annihilation. Cannae move. Cannae think. Am I really the father of Seona's bairn? How could I have cocked it up and forgotten to use a condom? I never forget—as far as I know. Can I be sure of that? Right now, I'm not sure of anything except that I love Calli.
With shaky arms, she pushes up into a sitting position, though she seems as incapable of speaking as I am. She looks shell-shocked, and I feel the same way.
Seona has dropped a bomb on us, one that might blow apart everything Calli and I have built together. It's more than sex between us. It's…everything.
"They're sure," Calli finally says. "Lachlan and Erica are sure it's true. Seona is really pregnant."
"Yes." I wish to hell it was a lie. With my gaze glued to the ceiling, my hands pressed flat on the bed, I lie stiff and motionless except for the rising and falling of my chest. "Seona is very pregnant. Hard to tell for sure, but Erica guesses maybe six or seven months along."
"Is that—Does the timeline match up?"
"Sounds like it. The last time I slept with her was the night before the accident, about six months ago. I was sure I used a condom."
Calli scratches her arms, eying me with a pained expression. "She could've slept with someone else, couldn't she?"
I pinch the bridge of my nose and squeeze my eyes shut. "I suppose so. We were casual, not exclusive."
"You didn't ask her if she was with someone else."
"Calli." I swivel my head toward her, and I'm fair certain I look as agonized as I feel. "How can I ask that? If she says it's mine, I have to take her word unless I find out otherwise."
"What will you do?"
"She nearly died, and for all I know, it was my fault. If the bairn's mine, I won't leave her out in the cold. I'll take care of them both."
"You'll marry her."
"Donnae know." I should've said absolutely not, but I won't lie to Calli. Though I don't love Seona—never have, never will—I can't abandon the mother of my child. If the bairn's mine.
Calli gets a look on her face that I know well. It's the one that means she's sorting through the facts and analyzing the possibilities. After a moment, she turns her attention to me. "She didn't admit she's six months pregnant until today? That woman's been harassing you for money but failed to mention the baby. Doesn't that seem suspicious to you?"
"Donnae know."
She pulls the sheet over herself as if she's cold. "Did you ask for any kind of proof it's yours?"
"That's why I'm flying home tomorrow. To find out." I lever myself off the bed, sitting here with my arms limp at my sides and my body slumped forward. "Any sort of paternity test will take time. If she fights it, I suppose I'll have to try for a court order."
Just the thought of getting the courts involved makes me nauseous and tense. I have a cold pit in my stomach, one that will never go away until I get some answers. Calli's right about one thing. Why did Seona fail to mention the baby until now? She's been trying to extort money out of me, yet she didn't mention her pregnancy until she realized I would never pay her off the way she wants.
Why is this happening now? Am I being punished for my treatment of women? Aye, I've never used a woman. I'm always upfront about what I can offer, but Seona decided to reinterpret everything I told her to remake our casual arrangement into what she wanted. I don't believe she loves me. Seona needs to get psychological help, not money from me. The accident has warped her mind.
I've had slightly more than two weeks with Calli. It's not enough. I need a lifetime with her, but I have no idea what will happen to us now.
"I need to talk to Jamie," I say. "She's coming home with me, whether she likes it or not."
While I stand and collect my clothes, Calli watches me with an expression I've never seen on her face before. She looks…defeated. That's how I feel too, like everything that's happened over the past two weeks means nothing now, like the course of my life is no longer mine to chart. Calli sits immobile on the bed while I dress and head out the bedroom door. I stagger down the hallway and through the sliding glass doors.
I know I'll find Jamie in the hunting shack with Gavin. How will I explain this to her? How will I explain it to any of my family? Lachlan said he'll send the jet in the morning. That gives me a little more time to… Fuck, I don't know what I'll do.
Tomorrow I'll go home. Will I ever see Calli again?
*****
The next morning arrives and flies by like time has sped up to an insane speed and the world is a spinning blur around me. Afternoon comes before I know it, before it feels like it should, and it's time for me to fly back to Scotland without Calli. She has become as stoic as my brothers, speaking only a few words now and then, none of those words meaningful. I donnae know what to say to her either.
