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"I thought you'd want to hear—you said—" I cinch up my whole face into a warped grimace and rub the bridge of my nose. Though I want to hide my feelings, the way I always do, I can't hold back anymore, not if I mean to convince her to come home. So I let my desperation show, on my face and in my voice. "You wanted me to say it. I thought this would…fix things."
But it hasn't, because I'm a flaming ersehole.
"If you'd said that a few days ago," she says, "it would've fixed everything. But after yesterday…I don't know how we make this right. I'm sorry, I just don't know."
I grip the back of my neck. "Do you want to?"
"Want to what?"
"Do you want to work this out? Do you want me?"
"Rory." She clamps her hands under her arms. "I love you. I want to be with you. But saying you love me doesn't resolve any of the problems I tried to talk to you about so many times. It doesn't erase what happened between us yesterday. You hurt me more than ever."
I raise my hands, needing to touch her, but let them fall to my sides. A weak shake of my head is all I can manage. "I thought you'd be happy."
"That you're here? That you love me? It's all well and good but—" She winces, laying a hand over her belly as if it hurts. "You just stood there. Robot Rory staring at me like I was invisible."
"How could I stare if you're invisible?"
"Don't be obtuse on purpose. You know what I mean."
I hang my head. "Aye."
Despite having my head down, I can see Emery scrubbing her cheeks with her palms, and I notice she seems a touch pale now. "I told you everything—everything—I was feeling. I told you how much I love you. And you said nothing. I cried, and I said I had to leave. You said nothing. While I walked out the door, you stood there watching like it didn't matter to you at all."
I lift my head, resisting the urge to contradict her. It mattered, but I need to prove that to her.
She holds up a hand. "Even then, I knew you cared if I left. I'm not saying you don't love me. I'm saying you still don't understand how much it hurt me that you had no comment on the most emotional monologue I've ever delivered to anyone."
Her shoulders flag, and her face seems a shade paler. She stumbles to the wrought-iron bench beside the house, slumping onto it.
I kneel before her. "Emery, I wish I knew how to make things right, but this time, I have no bloody idea how. Please help me."
"I'm too tired, Rory."
"You said that yesterday. Taking care of me has drained you."
"Yeah." She shuts her eyes. "I'm sorry."
"I'm the one who needs to apologize. Again and again, for all eternity if that will help." I settle a hand on her knee. "I miss you, Emery. I can't sleep without you."
"Did you not sleep when you were in France?"
"Not well, but that was different. I knew I'd be coming home to you. Now…" I draw in a breath, my lips quivering. "I no longer have the luxury of assuming you'll be there when I wake up in the morning."
She gazes into my eyes, but I can't tell what she might be thinking.
I massage my jaw. "Not signing the contract was a mistake because I broke a promise to you. But I don't regret not signing it, which I suppose is a contradiction. Can't help that. I never wanted to break a promise to you, but I couldn't bring myself to sign the contract. You told me you didn't care about the money, you didn't marry me for it, and I believed you."
"But?"
I inch my hand closer to hers, a finger's width away. "Part of me couldn't accept that anyone, especially a woman as vibrant and passionate as you, could want me without the enticement of money. Isobel cared for money and status more than love. I tried to become what she needed, tried until it had eaten up a part of me I may never get back, but it wasn't enough."
She stares at me, but I can't tell if it's shock because she believes me or because she thinks I'm a hopeless bastard.
I long to touch her, really touch her, but I don't dare try.
Emery walks her fingers toward mine until the tips of hers slip between them.
