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Lav snorted. “Of course you are.”
He growled at her, but strode away a moment later.
A few others sat down on the log beside me. Soon, we would need to coordinate a crew to bury the bodies of Laith’s people, to make sure that our forest was clear and taken care of. We’d need to check on our own people, too, and mourn any that Laith’s had injured or killed.
But for the moment, we all just sat there silently.
“You’d be a fool not to fight for her,” Lav said to me after a few minutes, her voice low and quiet. “She’ll be furious—but afraid even more than that.”
“I know.” My voice was simple, but I didn’t leave any question behind the words. Lav and Diora were friends, but Diora and I were much, much more. We’d spent hours upon hours together in my room as I taught her to read and write, and in her bed as we got to know each other’s bodies. We’d traded jokes, and stories. Though most of the stories had been mine, she had spent a few small, good moments with her sisters that she had shared with me, and I relished every tiny detail she gave me. “I’ll grovel if I have to; she’s mine, and I’m hers.”
Lav dipped her head in a nod. “You’re a good man, even if you’ve been kind of a shitty mate.”
I snorted. “Thanks, Lav.”
“Any time.” She winked at me, and then both of us focused our eyes on Diora’s shield.
My mate would emerge eventually—and then I’d do whatever the fuck it took to get her back in my arms, in my life, and in my bed.
Chapter23
Diora
A few days passed.There was a stream of fresh water within the large, safe sphere that I was holding to separate myself from Namir, so I used it to wash and drink. The strain of the magic grew easier as the days passed, and I stretched the power out further to test myself as I stayed away from the king.
The space between us helped me think clearer, and gave me time to work through the horrors I had committed. The things I’d done were unforgivable, but they hadn’t been pointless or unreasonable. I had killed to protect myself when my friends and I escaped the prison, not out of hatred—though I did hate them. Had I left them alive, they would’ve been hunting me.
My captors, the ones who had been in charge of the prison, were likely still searching for me, Vena, and Akari, but I didn’t fear them any longer. I’d been wild and confused and afraid back then, and I hadn’t understood my magic. Now that I did, there was no cage that could hold me. There was no prison that could trap me, and no jailer that could hurt me.
I commanded the shadows, and they answered to me.
Not their king; not any of his brothers, either.
Me.
I had no desire to be queen, but knowing that I was stronger, that the shadows were mine, made me feel free in a way nothing else had.
Not even their king.
It hadn’t felt like it before, when I was furious at Namir in the forest, but I had many options. Too many, even.
I could waltz back into the castle and declare myself the city’s queen. But as I’d established, I didn’t want that.
I could leave. Now that I was starting to understand my shadows, I knew that I could make myself dissolve into them. Doing so, I could get away from Namir without leaving any kind of a trail.
If I wanted to, I could go to Laith’s city. I could search for Vena, and warn her away from the bastard king she was connected to, if not fated to be with also. Or I could go to the Night King’s court, and warn Akari away from him. With my control over my magic, I felt sure that I could safely find my friends, one way or another.
But I wasn’t sure I wanted to do any of those things.
Vena and Akari had never looked at me like I was a monster, but they also hadn’t told me that I wasn’t actually shifting forms or being possessed. Akari, at least, had to have known the truth.
I’d started becoming a wolf during the most painful moments of my life as a child; I was sure that they’d kept the secret from me because they saw it as a coping mechanism, or a way for me to survive. But they didn’t know how much I had feared that part of myself, or just how difficult it had been for me to feel like I had no control in that way.
So I wasn’t ready to go looking for them. Not yet.
It would’ve also been possible for me to slip out of the city and try to find a completely random place to live, and to establish myself there. I could begin training as a chef, or a dancer. There, I could live a life I’d never even fantasized about, because it was so simple and beautiful.
But… I wasn’t sure I wanted to do that, either.
