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“Josey told you, didn’t she?” I’m ashamed. I’ve caused such a rift between the three of us—well, between the two and I—I don’t know if there’s any coming back from that.
“She might have mentioned you giving up on her, then proceeded to tell me I shouldn’t trust your word. It didn’t take much convincing to get her to open up. Why would you tell her we both decided long distance wouldn’t work when we haven’t discussed it? She’s only nineteen, Evelyn. That was unfair of you to say, for her and me.”
It hits me like a ton of bricks, the guilt of the words I used as I too lashed out while Josey used me as her own theoretical punching bag.
“I’m sorry, Harvey. I didn’t intend to say that to her. She overheard me talking to Hazel, then lashed out at me. You’re right though, I took it too far. I’ll apologize.” I intend to make things right one way or another, so long as she’ll let me back in.
“You need to try, at the very least. She’s upset, Eve. She doesn’t want you to leave either.”
“What do you mean, either? Are you telling meyouwant me to stay, or are you talking about everyone at the center?” I already know that’s what he wants. He told me so, but this conversation is one we keep avoiding. His declaration is going to make it so much harder to walk away.
“I want you to stay.” The vulnerability in his eyes pains me and makes my decision that much harder. I’ve fast become the villain.
“I’ve decided to go back and face my old life, Harvey. I need to address a lot of things and I can’t see room for a relationship, let alone a long-distance one. I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt anyone. It’s excruciating enough having to leave here. I hadn’t factored in the media frenzy or that I might need to rebuild my career. That takes so much of my time and I don’t want to put you second. You deserve better than that. You deserve someone better than me.”
“Stop using long-distance as an excuse when it’s clearly not the problem. And I don’t want anyone else, Eve. You’re not getting it.” His voice pitches and with it his anger rises.
“I don’t know what else to say. It’s not exactly easy for me either, Harvey. I wish there was another way. I don’t want to leave, but I have to. I need to. In a different world, this could have worked. Unfortunately, reality isn’t so kind.”
“So that’s it? There’s nothing I can say or do to change your mind? You’ve already given up?” I shake my head, eyes cast down full of tears. I don’t want him to see them fall. He’ll see right through me. He’ll know I’m forcing this on myself and not allowing what I really want and that is him.
“Look at me,” he commands, rage ridden.
Slowly, I raise my head meeting his pained expression. I was right. The moment our eyes meet, he averts his and I know I was right. He can see right through me.
“I’m sorry-”
“Don’t bother. This was clearly a mistake.” He starts to stride from the room, then turning to look back at me from the doorframe says, “Don’t bother coming to look for me, Josey or Asher before you go. We won’t be here.” And with that, I jump as the door slams behind him.
I don’t know if I’ve made the right decision or not. I only know my heart has now shattered.
ChapterSeventeen
Evelyn
I was discharged early thanks to my mother organizing the paperwork and Mrs. M agreeing that if I follow her instructions then she’d allow me to leave earlier than planned.
The car ride back to Santa Monica was less than pleasant as Mom tried to organize my life.
Now, I sit in my parents’ living room doing a photoshoot, which coincides with the media release for my return.
“Smile, Evelyn,” Mom hisses in my ear as she plasters on the fakest of smiles. Dad as always is nowhere to be found.
It’s been months since I had to do this, and it’s finally dawned on me how controlling she was and continues to be all through my career despite being a grown woman. So, with the perfect show of teeth, I attempt a perfect smile to match her fake one.
Once the shoot is finished, I let all of the tension woosh out in one large exhale. This is tiring work and we’re not finished yet.
“Darling, would you mind changing for the interviewer, please. I don’t want anyone to know what you were wearing until the article is released, and Mini will be directing the questions, so all you have to do is answer them. But remember, we need you to play the victim otherwise it’ll all be for nothing.” She doesn’t wait for an answer before saying, “Great, I’ll meet you back here in an hour.”
I start walking up the stairs to my old room, which is now basically a dressing room, when she yells, “Oh, and re-do your hair.”
I continue up the stairs, dreading what’s to come with the interviewer. I’m well aware they’ll ask me about my time away but it doesn’t make me any more ready.
Once in the room, I look through the clothing already here for me. There’s nothing here that I’m at all interested in. It’s all too showy or elegant for the likes of a voice-recorded interview. I search for the simplest outfit and come off empty-handed. Instead, I put the clothes I arrived with back on.
I then sit in the chair, staring in the mirror for longer than intended. Mom comes rushing into the room stating I need to hurry up so I don’t keep anyone waiting, while she finds time to also reprimand me for my clothes.
I do as I’m instructed over the next two hours. Answering questions I don’t care about or have answers for. Then at the very end, they bring up Harvey and my time at the FORT Center.
