Page 25 of Gift of Hope


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“Dear, who’s coming to pick you up when you’re discharged?” The worry on Hazel’s brows concerns me. It’s something I never thought about.

“I suppose I’ll get Mom to pick me up,” I say uninterested by that fact.

“I worry for you, Eve. Are you sure you’ll be alright going back to Santa Monica on your own? Why doesn’t Harvey go with you, or have your friends come and meet you for moral support?”

I don’t want to think about my so-calledfriends. The same ones who turned their backs on me. The thought of having Mother coming to pick me up is enough of a head spin.

“Eve, I’m going to suggest something to you and I’d like it to be a part of your next steps in rehab. I want to help organize you a therapist. From your reaction to my question, I can tell the mental recovery might well be the hardest. Hear me out, alright. I think you’ve been so set on the physical barriers that you haven’t given it any thought as to what the real world will be like once you leave the center. Especially with leaving something important behind.”

I get her implication, but I don’t want to acknowledge that it’s my heart I’ll be leaving behind.

“I’ll be fine, Mrs. M, but if you think I’ll benefit from seeing someone I’ll do it. As far as friends are concerned, I’m sure there are plenty more of them out there for me. You all worry too much.” I’m being brash. We both know it.

“Of course there are. You just ignore the fact they’re right under your nose. Do you think moving back to the city will be like it used to be? Do you see all of the comments about you on the internet? Haveyoutried reaching out to yourfriendseither? Take a look around Evelyn, this is where you’re supposed to be. Here with us. Don’t think for one moment any of them will care about your best interest, they only care about their own. They’ll continue to use and abuse you. Take it from me, Eve. Life in the limelight is not a life.” Josey’s words sting. As fast as she suddenly rolled through the door, she’s gone again.

Tears are building and the urge to cry is strong. Never has anyone given it to me in black and white before. I’ve always had a publicist to field all of that nonsense; Mother makes sure nothing bad ever touches my name.

“Josey, I yell as I walk as fast as I can with my cane. The fact I’m still using it should wave a red flag. As I see her rounding the corner of the corridor, I walk faster until I’m forgoing the cane and in a light jog, to catch up to her. Once I reach the corner, I’m just in time to see the door to the outdoor garden close.

I slow my movements now, hoping that little stint doesn’t cost me soreness later.

Slowly pushing the door open, I see Josey perched in our usual place overlooking their house and the fields.

“Josey?” I approach her slowly. I don’t want to startle her, because from where I stand and the movement of her shoulders, I’d say she’s very upset.

“Go away,” she sobs, angrily.

“Josey, please talk to me,” I plead. I didn’t stop to think that my departure will affect her also. “I’m trying here, Josey. Please don’t shut me out now.”

“You’re leaving, Eve. End of story.” She’s starting to shut me out and that hurts.

“Josey, just because I’m leaving doesn’t mean I won’t be able to call or message you. We can stay friends, you know. It doesn’t matter how far apart we are, you’ll always be like a little sister to me.”

“If you can find the time.” Her snide attitude is starting to really get on my nerves.

“Listen to me young lady, if I say I’ll message you, then that’s sure as hell what I’m going to do. Do not think for one minute that my leaving is ending our friendship, okay?”

The moment I say those words, her tear-stained face angles toward mine. “So, we can stay friends but you and Harvey can’t work things out? Hypocrite much.”

Her teenage sass is burning bright. I don’t think anything I say will make this situation any better. In fact, I open my fat mouth and make it worse.

“Having a long-distance relationship is different. We both agreed it wouldn’t work. Anyway, this is none of your business.” I stand, ready to leave and say my final piece. “Listen, emotions are high. When we’ve both had time to cool down, then I’d like the chance to talk properly. You mean the world to me, Josey. Never forget that.” With those departing words, I head back to my room.

I’m truly spent with today.

As soon as I’m through the doorway of my room the flood gates open. Every conversation—from last night with Harvey, to Mrs. M then Josey—plays violent tricks on my mind. The comments about me not having time for anyone but myself and being caught in the same vicious cycle I once was before my accident. I come to realize I’ve been suppressing everything from prior to the accident and Josey is right. The media are going to be all over my return and my unexpected appearance with Harvey.

Perhaps the idea of therapy isn’t such a bad one.

I lose track of time as I lay on my bed. The reels of my past replay in a tormenting manner, that I didn’t hear the person who’s now standing beside me enter my room.

“When were you going to tell me?” The anger and sadness in his voice aren’t missed as he looks down on me.

I sit up so I’ve got a better vantage point, ready to defend myself.

“What is this about, Harvey?” If I’m to be truthful, I have no idea what I’m defending myself for.

“You lied. You told me you’d give us a chance until you leave, yet you’ve given up already. I expected more from you, Evelyn. I honestly did.” For this man to go from ice cold from when I first entered this place, to the most affectionate man, to this is unbelievable. I suppose when you’re trying to preserve your own feelings, anything goes and right now I realize what I’ve done wrong.

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