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“Yes,” she said on a snicker. “Did you look in the box yet?”
“No,” I told her as I went into the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water.
“Well, open it. Wait, is he still there?”
“No, he left.”
She started laughing again. “I’m so sorry. I just have to tell you that now.”
“Why? What did you do?” I eyed the box suspiciously. “Clare, what’s in the box?”
“Go look.” She chuckled.
“I’m afraid to now.”
“Come on, just go look already! I’m dying over here. In fact, when I heard he had opened the package, I almost peed my pants, I laughed so hard.”
“Why are we friends?”
“Oh, stop, you love me, and you know it. Now open your gift.”
I went back around the counter. “Why did you mail it to me? I’m going to see you tomorrow night. You could have given it to me then. Or do you plan to bail?”
“No, I’ll be there. When is the last time I missed our Tuesday night happy hour?” It was a rhetorical question, and I knew it. “I mailed it to you because I could just imagine what you would do if I gave this to you in public.”
“Holy crap, Clare, what the hell did you send me?” I peeled back the top flaps and then the inside ones. My eyes landed on the bright pink item in the package, and my jaw dropped. “You bought me a vibrator!”
She started cackling over the phone.
“Clare, I can’t believe you! You bought me a vibrator, and what the hell is this?” I pulled out a smaller package. “An anal plug? An anal plug! Are you insane?”
“Hey, you need to live a little.”
Suddenly, mortification rushed through me; my handsome neighbor Alex had opened the package. He knew what was inside. I wanted to melt into the rug. “I can’t believe you did this!”
“What? It would have been a great surprise if your neighbor hadn’t opened it first. By the way, was he cute? I heard him say to let him know if you needed help.”
“I donotneed help, Clare! He must think I am some pervert! Why would you get me a butt plug?”
“Calm down, woman. Everyone uses them now; it helps enhance pleasure.”
I snorted. “Yeah, like I even remember what pleasure is.”
“Well, duh! Why do you think I bought those for you? It’s been years since you had sex; your orifices are going to grow shut.”
“That’s gross, and you know they are not.”
“You need a little fun. You’ve been so busy at work, and you never get out. You’re stressed all the time; this will help you relieve that tension.”
“Do you know how long it has been since I used one of these things?”
“Years—”
“Yeah, years,” I muttered as I stared at the packaging. The image of my neighbor rushed back into my mind. “You know that I’m going to have to move now.”
“Why?”
“Because he opened the package! What if I run into him in the hallway? Holy crap! I won’t ever be able to face him again.”
