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Chapter Nineteen
Lexi
Istared at the calendar on my desk. It was February fourth, and Alex had already been gone for four days. Alex—
I closed my eyes, trying to stop the pain that just the echo of his name caused from bouncing around in my skull. Telling him it was over had been one of the hardest things I had ever done. I’d missed him every moment since he’d closed my door, and yet I knew that what I had done had been right—for me. It wasn’t fair, but love never was—neither was war. Besides, I had barely known the man, and here I was acting like I’d lost the love of my life.
The love of my life— Will had been the love of my life, right? Not Alex.
My hand strayed absently to my neck, touching where the necklace had rested for only one short day. I’d given Alex back his heart, and in actuality, I gave him a chunk of mine, too.Please make it home safely, Alex, I prayed to myself.
I pushed away from my desk and collected my things. It was time to head home and change so I could meet Clare for our Tuesday night hangout. I hoped that seeing her would help break me out of this funk. If anyone could do it, she could.
I was at the bar before her and ordered our drinks. My mind stole back to a couple weeks ago when I’d arrived to find Alex sitting with Clare. I’d been mortified to see him, but at the same time, intrigued. I’d barely gotten to know him in the next week, and yet I felt like I’d known him for years. The two of us had clicked, and I hated that it had been destroyed the way it had.
“You’re early,” Clare said as she took the stool next to me. “You must have been bored at work, or you really needed a drink.”
“Oh, I think it is the latter.” I lifted my rum and Coke and toasted her before taking a sip.
“What’s going on?”
I sighed as I turned to her. “I broke it off with Alex.”
She looked shocked. “What? Why would you do that? I thought you really liked him, and why didn’t you call me and tell me that?”
“I did really like him, and that’s why I broke it off.” She looked utterly befuddled, and I sighed, my shoulders rounding forward in despair. “Alex is overseas right now. He got called away for some protection detail concerning some of his clients.”
Her brows disappeared under her bangs. “By overseas, you mean, overseas, overseas. Like in that dangerous and deadly place?”
“Yes, that overseas.”
“Oh, shit, Lexi. When did he leave?”
“Friday.”
“When did you break up with him?”
“Thursday night after I learned where he was going.”
She grabbed my arm. “Wait, why would you do that? I talked to you Thursday morning, and you said you had a fantastic time Wednesday night when he took you out to dinner for your birthday.” Her eyes dropped to my neck. “And where is the necklace that he gave you? It looked gorgeous, and I had a feeling the picture didn’t do it justice.”
“I gave it back to him.”
“Are you crazy?” she hissed.
“Clare, I couldn’t keep it. He told me it was a piece of his heart, but I can’t hold a piece of his heart if he’s going to be over there. I can’t be involved with someone who risks their life that way. You know that! I can’t afford to lose someone else that I love.”
“Oh, Lexi, I get it, I do, but how can you let go of something that could have been so much more? Why not talk to him and tell him how you feel?”
“I did tell him, but he had to go. It’s his job. I can’t ask him to change his job for me, especially when we barely know one another, and I can’t sit around waiting for a pine box to be returned. I can’t go through loving someone and losing them again, Clare. I just can’t. I’m finally getting my life back in order, and I can’t go backward. No matter how much I care or want someone.”
“Damn, Lexi.” She squeezed my arm. “I get it. I really do. Maybe when he returns, you two can figure something out.”
“Maybe, but I’m not holding out much hope. He spent the last twenty years living that stressful kind of life. Did you know he was a sniper? I heard guys talking about it at the training class. He’s a trained killer, Clare. This is what he’s trained for, what he does, who he is.” I rubbed my hands over my face. “I’m not sure that’s what I need in my life.”
“Oh, Lexi,” Clare put her arm around my shoulder, “I’m so sorry. I get it, I really do. Is there anything I can do?”
“No, well, yes.” I shook my hair back. “Let’s not talk about my disastrous love life. Tell me what is going on with you. I need to focus on something else for a change.”
