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I walked toward her, noticing the necklace was no longer around her neck. “Davina, come on. I think we need to talk.”
“No, I think we are done. I’d like you to leave.”
I tried to reach for her, but she backstepped. “No, please leave, Trevor.”
I swiped my hands over my face, trying to think of something to say, but then suddenly, I wondered why I was even trying. Obviously, she thought so little of me that she wasn’t willing to hear me out or trust that my feelings for her were real.
“Fine, you want me to go. I’ll go.” I huffed as I turned around and shoved my legs into my pants, quickly fastening them before I grabbed the t-shirt and yanked it over my head. I pushed my arms through the sleeves of the tux shirt and then sat down to put on my socks and shoes. The entire time, she stood there staring at the floor in front of her.
“Davina, this is not how I wanted this night to go.”
She lifted her eyes to me momentarily before they shot off, and she began to blink. Was she trying not to cry?
When she didn’t reply, I collected my jacket and turned to her one last time. “Can we please talk? I don’t want to leave with things like this between us.”
Her gaze zapped to mine, and the voice that came out of her mouth wasn’t one I recognized. “There is nothing between us, Trevor. It was just sex. Thanks for that. I guess I now see why you do it so often, get off and then walk away.” She shrugged like it was no big deal.
“God damn you, Davina,” I snapped back as I took three steps to get right in front of her. “Don’t you dare talk down on what we just shared. That was more than a hookup, more than a one-night stand. You mean something to me.”
“Yeah, I’m sure I do, as a nanny and someone to get your rocks off with once in a while.”
I couldn’t have been hurt worse by her words than if she’d punched me in the balls. I shuffled back slightly, my mouth gaping as I shook my head. “I don’t know where you are getting this shit, but whatever, Davina. I’m glad I know how you feel now.”
Without waiting to see if she would respond, I went into the living room, grabbing Devon’s car seat, and carefully moved him from the bassinet to the seat. He fussed a little but didn’t wake up. I covered him up well, glanced around to make sure I had all his stuff, and then hefted his seat and the diaper bag into my arms. I turned to say something to Davina, but the bedroom door was now closed.
Perfect, just fucking perfect.
I let myself out and headed home in the worst mood that I had been in for as long as I could remember. My mind was in turmoil as my heart ached in my chest. We were almost home when Devon began to cry.
“I know, I hear you, buddy. This is why you don’t get involved with women, son. They can tear your fucking heart out on a whim.”
Devon cried louder as I pulled up to my apartment, and I got him inside and a bottle ready while he fussed. After changing him, I sank into the glider with him and the bottle and got lost in my thoughts.
Why couldn’t she believe that I had feelings for her? How could she believe that I just wanted to spend the night with her and then I’d walk away, or that I only wanted her around to watch Devon? Yeah, I wanted her around for Devon, but I thought she wanted to be part of his life.
Devon fidgeted in my arms, and I realized I had stopped gliding back and forth. I put my head back, kicked my legs up on the matching ottoman, and let us shift slowly back and forth—the movement calmed us both as he continued to eat.
“Looks like it’s going to be just you and me, buddy.” I touched his cheek as I studied his tiny face. “I promise I’ll be the best daddy that I can.”
Devon slowly finished his bottle after a little coaxing on the last two ounces. After burping him, I laid him down and then took a shower.
I stared at my phone, wondering if I should send her a message, but what did I say? I’m sorry? I’m crazy about you? I think I love you?
I set the phone on the side table, then lay down and closed my eyes, willing myself to sleep like I’d trained myself overseas.
* * *
“Alright, well, I think that will work out perfectly, Tonya. Your paperwork looks to be in order, and since you’re available right away, I’d like to offer you the job.”
“That’s wonderful, Mr. Vaughn. I’m thrilled. I’ve been looking for a position like this for a while.”
“Well, we move into the house this weekend, and I still need to get furniture for the in-law suite, but I should have that early next week. In the meantime, you can use my bed, and I’ll sleep on the couch.”
“That would be great. When exactly would you like me to start?”
“Would it be possible to watch Devon at my place next Thursday and Friday during the day? Then you can move in over the weekend, and start full time on Monday? His current sitter isn’t available on Thursday and Friday.”
“Um,” she winced, “actually, Thursday is my last day at my current job, but I could do Friday.”
