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Memorial Day came and went,and I was glad that Riley didn’t attend the picnic that we had. I hadn’t seen her since Coral’s party three weeks earlier, and I wasn’t in a hurry to do so. There were times when I regretted what I’d said to her and the way I had walked off with her date staring at us. It wasn’t classy; that’s for sure.
My new job was going great, although I hadn’t done much more than keep my eyes open, attend briefings, watch interviews, and tag along behind the other guys. I had a lot to learn, and I was willing to do everything that I could.
Dinner with the family on Saturday night before I left for training was excellent. Well, it was more than excellent. It was only the eight of us, like old times, and we laughed and joked like we always had growing up. It was hard to believe that all of us were in our thirties now, and we all had stable careers, and ironically, all single for the most part. I knew Coral was dating, but as of now, it was nothing serious. Evan had just split from his long-time girlfriend of four years when she decided to take a new job out west. Cara had previously been engaged but called it off for some odd reason, and Candy was married for less than a year before she filed for divorce with irreconcilable differences. I still have no idea what those differences were, but I respected her privacy. Neither Cara nor Candy seemed interested in dating now, and both threw themselves into their work. I guess it was my turn to do that, too, because we already knew how messed up my love life was.
I hugged all my siblings as they left, spent a few minutes with my parents, and then headed home to make sure I had all my stuff packed. I was just kicking back on the couch with a beer when there was a knock on the door. Probably Evan coming to hang out one last time.
When I pulled the door open, I froze for a second. “What are you doing here, Riley?”
“You’re leaving tomorrow, right?”
“Yes.”
“Can we talk?”
Riley looked unusually nervous as she asked, and that’s what made me step back and let her in. It had nothing to do with the fact that I hadn’t seen her in four weeks or that my heart started racing at the sight of her. “Do you want a beer?”
She shook her head. “No, I’ll only take a moment of your time.”
“Okay, what did you want to say?” I positioned myself on the other side of the kitchen island, setting my beer down and placing my palms flat on the cold surface. I had to keep my distance. One more night, and I was gone for twelve weeks.
“I wanted to apologize, Ethan. I acted horrible, and I know I did.”
“Alright.” I wanted to ask her which time she was apologizing for, the morning I dropped her off at her truck or the night at the party. I didn’t, though. I just waited.
“That’s all you’re going to say?”
I shrugged. “What do you want me to say, Riley? You made it extremely clear that my feelings for you were not reciprocated. You also told me to butt out of your life. I have officially butted out.”
“Yeah, by running away.”
I stared at her. “Running away? Riley, I took another job. I’m not running away.”
“But what about this training? It’s three months long, Ethan. You can’t say that you would have gone if things were different between us.”
I jerked back. What the hell was she doing? “Riley, what are you saying? Are you trying to tell me that you love me?”
She shook her head. “No, I’m not saying that. I’m just saying that if I told you that, you wouldn’t be running off to some stupid training in Georgia of all places. You had an excellent job here in Millerstown. Why did you have to move up to the county?”
“Why? Maybe because I want more. Maybe because I want to be a detective and not a beat cop my whole life.”
“Being a beat cop was always enough before. Why has it changed?”
“What’s the big deal to you, which position I hold? You worried that I won’t be around to pick you up after a night out with your friends? Or keep your bed warm? Did you already break up with the Newman guy?”
She pursed her lips. “That is not it! Jesus, Ethan, we are friends. Best friends! We have been that way since high school. I talk to you about everything, and yeah, so we sleep together, but it’s not like you don’t enjoy it.”
She had come around the kitchen island, and I shook my head. “That’s not the point, Ry,” I told her as I turned to face her. “And you’re right, wewerebest friends, Riley, but I need more. I want more, not just from you, but from my career. I have wanted to be a detective since I graduated from the police academy; youknowthat. I finally got what I have been working toward. You should wish me good luck, not whine about how I am leaving you.”
“But you are leaving me, Ethan!”
I snapped as I took a step forward. “You need to grow up, Riley. You are thirty-two years old! I am not a fucking toy that someone is taking away from you.” I grabbed her face. “I’m a man who is in love with you, and no matter what I do, what I say, what I show you—you just don’t see that! I can’t sit around here any longer waiting to see if you will ever love me!”
Tears began to fill her eyes, and for Riley to cry, that was harsh. She never cried. She grabbed my arms. “Please don’t go, Ethan. Don’t leave me. I know I’m selfish, but I need you right now.”
A tear slipped down her cheek, and I couldn’t help myself; I crushed her mouth to mine, and she clung to me. I kissed her harder than I ever had, showing her every ounce of my passion and love for her, and then I leaned our foreheads together.
“As much as I love you, Riley. As much as I want you to love me, I know you never will.” I cupped her cheeks, breathing her in for a moment. “I have to move on with my life. That kiss was my goodbye to you.” I stepped back, dropping my arms. “I can’t wait any longer. I deserve more. I deserve to be loved back.”
