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Chapter Twenty-Eight
Riley
Iwas out of the hospital five days after the crash and home in bed for another two weeks. My siblings and my parents took turns staying with me to make sure I stayed off my feet. I could use the bathroom, walk from room to room, but nothing else. No lifting, no standing for more than five minutes, no nothing else.
By three weeks out, I was ready to lose my mind and so damn thankful that I was finally allowed to be off bed rest, as long as I took it easy. Next was to get to the hospital and see Ethan.
The problem was, Ethan was still in a coma, and only his family could see him. I’d stopped at the café to speak with Coral shortly after I’d been released from bed rest, but she had been short and distant with me, saying that they didn’t even know if he would ever wake up. I felt her anger. She didn’t need to say it.
She blamed me.
I blamed myself.
* * *
Two more weeks went by,and there were no changes in Ethan’s condition. Wesley was the one that updated me as he checked in on him while he worked in the hospital.
At first, Wes didn’t want to tell me, but I had forced him to, explaining to him that I felt to blame for this and that I deserved to know how bad he was. I was the one to do it to him. No, I hadn’t crashed into him, but I had distracted him.
Through all of this, I realized how much Ethan meant to me. I missed him so much that at night, I would lie there and cry. I would tell our daughter stories about him, things that he would laugh about. I’d share things that he liked and didn’t. I told her how strong and handsome and caring he was, and how much he loved her—how much he had loved me.
He wouldn’t love me anymore now. Not after I had almost cost him his life, might have cost him his job if he couldn’t perform as he had. I knew the requirements of being a police officer.
But I realized one other thing as I lay there each night and looked at his picture each day. I loved him. I loved him so much that it hurt. Sometimes the pain would squeeze my heart, and I’d wind up on the floor sobbing at the thought of losing him. Other times, I wanted to laugh at the realization that I did love him.
But was it too late?
I had heard that Ethan was more stable now, but he was still unconscious. No one knew when he would wake up, or if he would. I prayed every day that he would. That somehow, I would have the chance to apologize for everything that I did. I hoped that he would forgive me and love me and that we could do everything that he wanted to do.
Suddenly, the thought of having a family without him wasn’t something I wanted. I needed Ethan. Our daughter needed Ethan. Now Ethan needed to come back to us.
* * *
A knock cameat my door eleven weeks and a day after the accident. I had not seen Ethan since that fateful moment of the accident, but I had dreamed of him every night in a million ways.
I opened the door to see Richard standing there, and my knees began to shake immediately. “Is he dead?”
Richard stepped forward, taking me by the shoulders. “He’s alive, Riley. He woke up today.”
“He did?” I asked as I stared up at his father with watery eyes. Richard touched my cheek and nodded. “How is he?”
I was so afraid to hear that he might have woken up and not known anyone or that maybe he wouldn’t even be able to talk. Over the last few weeks, I had been doing a lot of research, and Wes had told me repeatedly to stop being an internet MD.
Richard led me over to the sofa and we sat down. “He was awake and talking. The doctor is putting him through a lot of tests today, but Ethan seems like himself, Riley.”
I put my face into my hands and sobbed for a moment while our daughter kicked my stomach as if she were celebrating the news. I rubbed my hand over my belly as I wiped my tears away. “That’s great news, Richard. When can I see him?”
His eyes dropped for a moment. “Right now, he’s dealing with a lot and trying to digest some things. He said that he doesn’t want to see anyone for a few days.”
“Not even me?”
He shook his head. “Not even you, but he’s glad you and the baby are alright.”
I gnawed on my bottom lip. What must be going through his mind. “Richard, I have to see him as soon as I can. He thinks that I don’t love him. I told him that I didn’t, but I was so wrong! I don’t want a life without your son in it. You know that.”
He gave me a sad smile. “I know that, Riley. I know. That’s why I want to give him twenty-four hours, and then tomorrow, I want to take you to see him. I think it would be good for him to see you.”
“Thank you.” I clasped his weathered hand in mine. “Thank you so much, Richard.”
