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That night, I did a lot of thinking about what I was going to say, and by the time Richard picked me up, I had a good idea. I was a nervous wreck but excited too, and the baby was bouncing around in my belly like she was doing flips.
At the hospital, Richard left me in the waiting room. He had to speak to Ethan first and get permission to bring me back. It took him about twenty minutes before he returned, a smile on his face. “He wants to see you. Go on back through those doors, and he’s in the third room.”
Richard patted my shoulder as I passed him, and I walked slowly toward the doors. If I had stopped, I think my knees would have started knocking against one another. I pushed the button to enter the unit and then glanced back at Richard, who nodded.
I paused outside the door to his room, my hand on my extended belly, my heart in my throat, and then I stepped into his room. He turned his face toward me. His eyes drifted down my face to my stomach, where they stayed for a moment.
I stepped closer to the bed, taking in every detail of him. His hair was way too long on one side but really short on the other from where it had been shaved to repair his skull. His beard needed a trim. He liked a little scruff, but it was too long for his taste. His color was pale, and his eyes were watchful.
I wanted to fall to my knees as I stared into his blue eyes. I hadn’t realized how much I missed them until I saw them again. “Ethan,” I breathed the word as I stopped beside his bed and reached for his hand.
He held it for a moment, even squeezed it momentarily before he let it go and laid his hand over his chest away from me. “Riley.”
“How are you doing?”
He blinked once, then twice. “You don’t really care, so it doesn’t matter. I’ll make this short and sweet because I’m tired and it’s been a long day. I appreciate you coming, but I don’t want you here.”
“Ethan—”
He put his hand up. “I need to say this, Riley. You told me how you felt, and I was stupid to believe that I could change your mind. I almost killed you and the baby, and for that, I’m sorry. I’ll stay out of your life now. In fact, I’ll sign over my rights to the baby if that’s what you want.”
My jaw dropped. Ethan not only didn’t want me, but he didn’t want our daughter? “Ethan, you can’t mean that. We need you.”
“No, you don’t.”
“We do!” I reached for his hand again and clung to it when he tried to pull it back. “Ethan, I was wrong to say what I did. Not because I shouldn’t have said it, but because it wasn’t the truth. I love you! I need you! Our daughter needs you!”
Ethan’s eyes widened as I mentioned it was a girl, and then he tugged his hand back. “You don’t need me, and you two would be better off without me.” He turned his face away from me, and tears streaked my face.
“Ethan, you can’t mean that! I love you!”
“Go, Riley, and don’t come back.”
“Ethan!” I begged him, but a nurse came in and started dragging me out of the room. “Ethan, this is not over! I love you, damn it! I will prove to you that I do!”
As I was pulled around the corner, I saw him still staring away, but I could have sworn I saw moisture on his cheeks. How could he do this? How could he not only not want me, but not want our daughter?
The nurse led me to the outer door and then left me standing there crying, one hand on my belly, the other on my forehead as I leaned against the wall. Strong arms wrapped around me. “What happened?”
“He doesn’t want me. He doesn’t want our daughter.”
“Oh, Riley, he doesn’t mean that. He’s upset. He blames himself for the accident. I know he does. Come on, let’s get you home. I’ll talk to him.”
I sucked up the pain and the tears until I was home, and after Richard left, I curled up in bed and cried myself to sleep. I apologized over and over again to our daughter for how I had screwed everything up.
* * *
Two weeks later,Ethan was released from the hospital and sent to a rehab facility where he stayed for almost six weeks.
It was the day of my baby shower when I learned that he had come home two days earlier on January sixth. Charlotte had told me. None of his sisters were here for the shower, and none of them would speak to me.
I’d run into Candy one day at the store, and she had seemed nervous to see me. She’d been pleasant enough, but she had rushed away as quickly as she could. Only Richard checked in on me and sent his love every few days.
He came for tea just the other day and told me that he’d tried to talk to Ethan again, but he was stubborn about his decision. He truly felt that our daughter and I would be better off without him.
I knew he was wrong, and after a lot of talking with Charlotte, Roxy, and Dani, I’d concluded that he ultimately blamed himself for the accident. He thought that he had almost killed us because of something that he had done, and not because I had distracted him with my words.
If I was truthful with myself, the blame was to be put on both of us, but that crash had been a wake-up call for me. If it hadn’t happened, I might not have realized how much I loved the man. How much I needed him in my life. Not just for our daughter, but for me. Now I had a couple of weeks to get him to listen to me, and we could get this fixed before the baby was born.
