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Chapter Twenty-Nine
Ethan
Other than my father and Carmen, no one mentioned Riley to me. My father made sure to bring her name up every time he was around, and I got tired of telling him that I didn’t want to hear about it.
After he’d brought her to the hospital, he’d taken her home and then driven all the way back to the hospital to ream me out. He had gone on and on about how I was the most stubborn person he had ever met and how I was throwing my life away. He told me I had disappointed him, and I didn’t bother to tell him I was disappointed in myself. I let him go on and on, pretending to listen, but in actuality, I let most of the words float in one ear and right out the other.
By the time I got into the rehab facility, I had figured out how to block out thoughts of Riley altogether. As soon as I was well enough, I was going to sell my house and move closer to work. Even though I had a long road ahead, I knew that I would recover enough to do my job. I might have a little problem with my knee once in a while, but my mind was still sharp and intact. If I were farther away, I wouldn’t run the chance of running into her or the baby.
The baby was where I got hung up. I knew that I would eventually get over Riley, but how could I get over not being with my daughter? Perhaps I hadn’t thought that part out fully. Except, yeah, I had.
I had almost killed the woman I loved and my child before she—it was a girl—even took her first breath. What kind of a father would I be if I couldn’t even protect her while she was safely tucked inside her mother?
I was a cop, for god’s sake, and my life was in jeopardy every time I put my badge on. I couldn’t do that to my child or the woman I loved. I couldn’t and I wouldn’t.
I had missed Christmas at home, but was thankfully released in early January. Instead of heading straight home, I was taken to my father's for another week. They wanted to make sure that I could manage okay before being on my own. I didn’t mind it that much, except he had to bring up Riley’s name just about every freaking hour.
Today had been even more brutal because as he cooked lunch, he went on and on about how many things he’d gotten for the baby for the shower. He described the clothing down to the little snaps and the bags of diapers and the monitor system that he’d purchased.
I hated him for telling me all this, but I hated myself more because I hadn’t been a part of it. For the next eighteen years, this was what was going to happen. I’d hear all about the child’s life but not be involved. Maybe I needed to move farther than forty-five minutes away.
I had a feeling that no distance would be far enough to stop the pain. We had just finished our late lunch, and I was using my cane to walk into the living room when I heard a car pull into the driveway and start honking its horn. I glanced out the window and saw Roxy jumping out of her car and running toward the door. Something wasn’t right, and my father passed me and went to open the door.
“Roxy, what’s wrong?” he asked as he pulled open the door and a cold blast of January air slammed into me.
She looked between me and my father. “It’s Riley. She fell down the stairs. They are rushing her to the hospital.”
My leg began to buckle, and I sat down quickly before I fell. The urge to go to her was so strong, but she wasn’t mine to go to.
“Ethan, get your coat,” my father snapped at me, and I shook my head.
“I’m not going.”
“Oh, the hell you aren’t. Your baby and her momma are in the hospital and need you. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and get moving.”
Roxy stepped forward nervously. “Ethan, Riley told me to come get you. She needs you. She said she is not having this baby without you.”
I laughed. “Yeah, I’d like to see her hold that progression back.”
“Ethan Michael Winston, you get off your ass right now and get your coat.”
“Dad, I told you that I don’t want anything to do with Riley or the baby.”
“Why?” Roxy asked. “Why, Ethan? When you hit your head, did you forget how much you loved them? Did you forget that just minutes before that, you had vowed to be there for them through everything? I sure didn’t. Your father didn’t, and Riley sure as hell didn’t.”
“Roxy, I almost killed her and the baby. I said I’d keep them safe, and the first thing I did was upset Riley and almost kill them both!” I yelled at her, and she came closer, getting down on her knees in front of me.
“Ethan, that was an accident. You were both upset. The blame falls on both of you for even getting in the damn car in the first place! You should have stood in the front yard and screamed at one another until you worked it out and fell into each other’s arms again. Because you always do.”
She put her hand over my knee. “When you almost died, Riley changed. She realized suddenly just how much you meant to her, how much you do mean to her. She needs you, Ethan. That little girl is going to need her father, and Riley loves you so damn much.”
“No, she doesn’t. She told me that day that she didn’t love me.”
“She said that because she was afraid, Ethan. She was scared to death and freaking out at your proposal in front of everyone. If you had given her time, she would have come around. When you almost died, she realized how stupid she had been, how wrong about so many things. The day she came to the hospital to see you, she was coming to apologize to you and ask for your forgiveness.”
“She doesn’t need my forgiveness,” I stated.
“Then show her that,” my father growled. “Now get your damn coat. You are going to get your ass to the hospital. You are going to tell that woman that you love her and that the baby that she is carrying is the most important thing in your life. You got that, Ethan? Because if you don’t, I’m going to drop-kick your ass right into the street and hope that you land on your head again to knock some damn sense into you.”
