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Chapter 17
Ember
Ireturned to my room and felt sick to my stomach. Why had I said that? What was it about Wendy that made me open my mouth and spill that particular piece of my past? Had I done it so she would know it wasn’t another man’s memory that was competing with her son?
I was terrified to know what was going on in Colt’s mind. I knew that it was only a matter of hours now before he would want to know the whole truth. Would I be able to tell him?
Would I be able to explain what had happened and still have him look at me the way he did now, or would I see blame and disgust in his eyes?
My hands shook as I tipped the pain medicine out into my palm. Years ago, if someone had left these lying around, I probably would have swallowed the whole bottle. I stared at the door, but now I might have a reason to want to live, a reason to want to be better. I scooped all the pills except for one back into the bottle and closed the lid.
My incision and the area around it were sore; I hadn’t been lying about that. Taking a shower and then sitting up straight for that short amount of time had been hard. Talking about Kadyn, well that had worn me out emotionally. I welcomed the oblivion that the pain medicine gave me.
When I woke, the shadows were long in the room from the one window.
“She’s awake.” I lifted my head to find Colt sitting in the chair in the corner, his lap filled with magazines.
“How long have you been sitting there?” I asked as I propped myself back up against the pillows.
“About an hour. I had some reading to catch up on and figured here was as good a place as any. I hope I didn’t disturb you.”
“Not at all, I was dead to the world,” I yawned.
“I’m sorry about earlier,” he paused, “with what my mother said.”
“It’s alright. I know she was just looking out for your best interests.”
“Yeah, well,” he inhaled deeply, and his chest expanded, “are you hungry?”
“I could eat.”
Colt set his magazines aside and went to get food. I glanced at the clock and found it was after five already.
A few minutes later, he came back carrying a large tray with two plates on it. “Hope you don’t mind leftovers.”
“No, I’m glad there was some left. The salad was good. Did you make it?”
“Yeah, it’s an easy dish. I like easy.” He winked at me, and I wondered if that was meant to be a double-edged sword or if he only meant cooking.
Colt settled himself on the bed beside me and turned on the television to watch the news. We ate in companionable silence as we watched what was happening in the city and around the country. I liked that Colt and I could be together and not have to talk all the time—and yet, I was waiting for him to bring it up. I knew that it was on his mind. I’d seen him glance a few times at my wrist. God, I needed to just get it out in the open, but fear of rejection stayed my tongue.
Colt had put the dishes back in the kitchen and had found a movie to watch. We both leaned against the headboard, but I wasn’t hearing a word that was being said on the television.
“I wanted ice cream,” I said softly, and he turned to me.
“You want ice cream? I’m not sure if I have any, but I can check.” He went to get up, and I shook my head.
“No, that night—that night I wanted ice cream.” I twisted the top sheet in my hands. “Our driveway was narrow but long, and my car was parked at the end, so we decided to take mine. I was really protective of my car. I’d worked hard to earn the money to buy it, and I wouldn’t let anyone else drive it.”
My voice shook as I continued, and Colt eased himself back into the pillow. “My mom and Dean were with me. Dean was my boyfriend…and…and Kadyn’s father. I was nineteen, he was twenty-three. We were going to get married, have a happy family.”
The memories of that night burned through my mind, and I breathed deeply for a moment to calm myself. “We didn’t stay at the ice cream parlor because my mother needed to get home and do something, I don’t remember what, but we had picked up the ice cream, and I was driving home. I had a double scoop of mint chocolate chip, it was my favorite,” I paused, “not anymore though. I can’t even look at it now.”
Colt hadn’t moved or said anything, but his presence gave me the strength to continue. “One of the scoops fell off the cone and onto my chest, only it rolled off my chest and down my swollen belly. I was laughing and trying to grab it while I was driving. I wasn’t watching the traffic.” I swiped at a tear as it trickled down my cheek.
“I entered the intersection. We were broadsided by a dump truck. I think my mother died instantly, I’d like to think she did. They said the impact broke her neck, but Dean was still alive, at first. People came to help us, and I remember being pulled out of the car when it caught on fire. I wasn’t far from the car when it exploded.” The tears dripped off my chin now, but I didn’t care. “I saw Dean’s green shirt through the window of the back seat, and I knew he was still in there—trapped. I watched him burn to death, him and my mom.” I took a shaky breath and wondered what Colt was thinking, but I was afraid to turn to him. “I lost Kadyn that night. They tried to save him, but it was too late when they rushed me into surgery. I lost everyone I cared about that night, all because I wanted a damn ice cream cone.”
Colt finally moved, but he did the opposite of what I had expected him to do. Instead of getting up and leaving, he moved closer and pulled me to him. “Ember, it wasn’t your fault.”
