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Wes followed along, with their approval, and said he liked the design. It was giving him ideas for his own place.
After they all left, I finished what I had previously been doing and then decided to call it a night. Before I left, I retrieved the information that Wes had dropped off and brought it with me.
Maybe Wes was right, and I could prove to Nolan that I was up for the challenge. I’d have to read the information he gave me and do my own research. If I felt that I could handle it, I’d speak to the kids. I didn’t want to get their hopes up. Tonya had already asked me why I wasn’t helping Nolan anymore, and I had given her a generic response of being busy with my own work.
I had just over a week to decide if I wanted to pursue Nolan and also learn as much as I could. I would need to figure out a way to prove to her that I could handle it and not run from the hard work it would take.
After eating, showering, and watching a movie with the kids, I crawled into bed with the papers and began to read. I ended up getting my laptop and doing more research, looking up the sites that Wes had given me. It was almost midnight when I finally turned off the light.
I had learned a lot tonight, and I would continue to learn more over the next week. The one big thing that I knew was that I could handle this, and I would work with my kids to understand it so they could learn to handle it too.
I was determined to prove to Nolan that I was the right man for her and that with my kids, we could make our two broken families complete.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Nolan
Ididn’t break down and cry until I was back at my house. I told myself that it was because I’d miss out on sex, but deep down inside, I knew better.
Brad had said that he had fallen for me. I couldn’t admit it to him, and I didn’t want to admit it to myself, but I had fallen for him too.
He was so easy to talk to, and we got along so well—in and out of bed. I loved his humor and his serious side. I loved how much his family meant to him, and honestly, I loved that he had wanted to try and take on my family.
I just couldn’t let him make that sacrifice. Not with two great kids of his own. If he didn’t have kids, then maybe, but what happened if we had four kids in one house and something happened between us. That would break four additional hearts, or at least three because Emmy was pretty closed off emotionally.
I sat in the corner of my kitchen and thought back on the last several weeks and every moment with him—from demoing my kitchen, to making love to him. I wiped the tears away after a while and went up to my room. I was exhausted, and I didn’t have the energy to do anything more than climb into my sleeping bag. I was asleep minutes after I closed my eyes.
* * *
The pad that I had under my sleeping bag was not that thick, and my bones hurt every morning when I woke up. Several times I had thought about going back to Kayley’s to sleep, but was determined to stay in my new home despite the uncomfortableness. One of the teachers I worked with suggested getting an air mattress, and I wasn’t sure why I hadn’t thought about that myself. Today, after the soccer games, I was going to head out and buy one.
I was at the soccer game, and it had just ended when Tonya sidled up to me with a smile. I glanced around but didn’t see Brad with her, and I was both thankful and regretful at once.
I owed Brad an apology. He had put his heart out there, and I had whacked it with a sledgehammer. What a bitch I had been. Somewhere in our conversations, I should have told him never try to talk to me about something serious when I was close to delirium. I couldn’t see around my own emotions then.
I smiled at Tonya as she stopped near me. Even though I had Tonya in my class and I’d seen her every day, we hadn’t spoken about anything more than math. I had considered many times asking about her father, but decided that wasn’t a good idea. Something in her eyes said he was about to come up in conversation.
“Hi, Ms. Nickels. How are you?”
“Hi, Tonya. I’m good. Did you enjoy the game?”
“I did. I’ve been practicing a lot.”
“I’m glad to hear that. You ready to practice with the team?”
“Um, not yet, but maybe soon.”
“Well, soccer is almost over for this year, but keep practicing, and next fall, you can play with the team. How does that sound?”
“Um, will you help me more?”
I wanted to tell her yes, but how could I do that when I wasn’t talking to her father? After the way I had left things, I was pretty sure he wouldn’t want to see me at all.
“Of course,” I told her because I didn’t know how to explain it. “But I am pretty busy right now. Maybe over the summer, I can help you.”
“Okay.” She hesitated like she wanted to say more but wasn’t sure how to start.
“Is there something you want to say, Tonya?”
