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Unless she was sleeping over with the goatherd. Cuddled up with—
Enough. He forced himself back to the task at hand. “There are two general approaches. One is you do something big and attention-grabbing. With an audience. That’s the Hollywood version—and I don’t mean that in a derogatory way. Beyond the thrill of the spectacle, I imagine there might be a certain poetic justice in a public proposal. Give the naysayers a bitter pill to swallow.”
“Well, the primary naysayer is dead.”
“Indeed.” Torkel was referring to Sebastien’s father, the late duke, who had been nothing short of a beast.
“Then there’s his mother, but she’s been largely defanged. And bless Seb, he still holds out hope for some kind of reconciliation.”
“Indeed,” Matteo said again. He didn’t know Sebastien von Hansburg well, but he seemed to have resisted the world’s corrupting ways. He tried to see the good in people, perhaps even when there wasn’t any there.
Matteo was happy for Torkel. He was so happy, for a moment, that his chest seized. What must it be like to have found a person you not only loved, butlikedenough to want to spend the rest of your life with? Someone you trusted enough to give your entire self over to?
Matteo hadn’t had a girlfriend since he was in the military. Anna had been a true companion, and he’d loved her. But he had known, all along, that they weren’t destined for marriage. They’d been likeminded souls in a sometimes stressful setting, and being together had been a balm. But when he’d gotten tapped for theequerry job, neither of them had harbored any delusions that they would stay together.
And though he missed Anna as a person, he didn’t miss dating. His job was all-consuming. It required him to give over all his attention, all his care, to Eldovia. He was fine with that.
Wasn’t he?
“And the other?” Torkel said.
“Pardon?”
“You said there were two general approaches.”
Matteo ordered himself to shake off whatever this odd storm of intensity in his chest was. “Yes. The other isn’t showy. Perhaps a few words whispered in an ear while dancing. I could arrange a favorite song to be played. The point is merely a heartfelt declaration against the backdrop of the ball. A private moment in a swirl of dancers, the calm eye of the storm. The—”
He was getting carried away. Imagining details that weren’t his concern. It just... sounded nice. To be allied with someone in a crowd. To whisper words of love and belonging, and to hear them returned.
Goodness. He needed to take a holiday after Christmas. A proper one. Perhaps he’d finally visit New York as a tourist.
“That sounds perfect,” Torkel said. “Sebastien is shy. He won’t want attention. He’ll like it better if it’s private.”
“You do know that there will be a certain amount of attention paid to the both of you, though. You’ve never attended the ball as a guest.”
And lord knew, it was going to be difficult to get Torkel tobehaveas a guest. The man had protection in his bones. Matteo made a note to get the evening’s security plans and pass them on toTorkel ahead of time. Hopefully that would preempt any fretting he would otherwise be doing upon arrival.
“Right,” Torkel said, and there was an uncharacteristic note of uncertainty, of unease, in his voice. “And will that be because we’re both men, or because he’s the brother of a duke and I’m military special ops turned thug-for-hire?”
Matteo didn’t see any need to mince words. “A bit of both, I’d imagine. Mind you, no one is going to give you any trouble.” No one would dare say a word against the mountain of a man that was Torkel, at least not within earshot. “It’s handy sometimes, being a professional thug, don’t you find?”
When Torkel didn’t chuckle, when he didn’t say anything at all, Matteo realized his apprehension was genuine. He switched into business mode. “Don’t worry. As to the logistics of the proposal, we’ll do it toward the end of the evening. Make sure you dance together a few times before the actual proposal. Let people get their gawking out of the way. And beyond that, just remember that it’s worth it.”
It was, yes? At least it was for normal people, people whose jobs didn’t require the sublimation of their person lives?
“And I’m not just talking about the proposal,” Matteo continued. “I’m talking about muddling through whatever rubbish you need to in order to take your place as the husband of the brother of a duke.”
“Well, I don’t think of it like that. I don’t care about the title.”
“Of course you don’t.” That was what made Torkel such a good man. “My point is, are you going to let a little discomfort keep you from the life you want with Sebastien?”
“No. You’re right. Of course it’s worth it.He’sworth it.”
Ah, there went the odd chest pressure again. “I’m sure he is, but you are, too, don’t forget.” Normally, Matteo would never say anything so sentimental, but it seemed to need saying.
There was a long pause, and Matteo worried that he’d overstepped, but Torkel cleared his throat and asked, “How’d you get so smart?”
Matteo ignored the question. Torkel still sounded a bit shaky, so Matteo said, “If you have a particular song you’d like played, or you want any other arrangements made, let me know. Beyond that, you concentrate on what you’re going to say, and don’t worry about a thing. Anyone who so much as raises an eyebrow in your direction will have me to deal with.”
