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Chapter Sixteen
McKenzie
The sun streaming through the open window wakes me, and for about ten seconds, I wonder where I am. But the warm naked body of Noah next to me, his arm possessively slung over my torso and his leg pinning both of mine to the small bed, reminds me immediately. I like the way he treats me like I’m his, completely and unequivocally. I have never felt the way I feel with him—beautiful, protected, special. But most of all, alive. Wild and free and fearless like I’ve always wanted to be. And I have to admit, after years of being the caretaker, it’s nice to have someone stronger than me to lean on, someone who wants to take care of me.
Oh God. I’m falling for him. It’s no wonder. He’s gorgeous, sexy, commanding, intelligent, and understands me and what I need more than I do. I sigh, taking advantage of the fact that he’s sleeping to study him for as long as I want, trying to memorize every detail of his face that has become so precious to me. Our time together is going to end eventually, and I don’t know how I’m going to survive it. Although he said he has some time off, I’m sure he will eventually have to go back to his SEAL team, wherever that is. He’s been clear about what his life is like and how his career prevents him from being in a relationship. And truthfully, I know better than anyone how dangerous the life of a Navy SEAL can be, and how in an instant it can all be taken away.
But if I’ve learned anything over the last few months, it’s that you can’t let fear stop you from living. I’d rather have a month of Technicolor wonder with Noah than a lifetime of gray because I was afraid of taking whatever time we could have together. And who knows? If anyone can defy death, it’s Noah. I’ve known a lot of SEALs, and without exception, Liam’s teammates are the most badass, most confident, toughest men I’ve ever met. But somehow, Noah makes them all look like boys playing at being tough. And he won’t be a Navy SEAL forever.
I’m glad I have him to protect me. Although from what, or rather, who? I mull over the things Noah said last night. Who would want me dead, and why?
I slowly drift back into the safe abyss of sleep, breathing in Noah’s scent in my dreams. When I wake up, he’s gone. Nothing reassures me that he was there at all except for a single strand of dark hair that curls around the edge of my pillow.
I get dressed quickly, pulling on my swimsuit, the T-shirt he bought me, and the shorts I’d worn over my swimsuit yesterday and go in search of him. I find him downstairs, talking to one of the vendors selling handmade items on the beach in front of the hotel. He flashes me that rare but contagious grin of his and waves me over. He’s holding a delicate-looking silver anklet with a heart-shaped padlock and a key dangling from it.
“Do you like it?”
I’d like anything Noah chose for me, but the significance of the lock and key—and the heart—makes it even more meaningful, and I know it’s a gift I will cherish forever. I realize with a pang that it will probably be the only tangible reminder I’ll have of the week I belonged to Noah Payne. Well, that and theIt’s More Fun in the Philippinesshirt.
He pays the woman for the anklet and bends down to fasten it around my ankle, pausing to kiss and then nip my inner thigh before standing and grabbing my hand. Thirty minutes later, we’ve checked out of the hotel and are eating breakfast—poached eggs, toast, and coffee—at a cute little restaurant on the beach, our table in the sand several yards from the sparkling ocean. This place is paradise. It’s going to be hard to go back home without the ocean constantly in view. And without Noah. The reality of that hits me in the gut, and I shake my head, trying to force the thoughts away. I need to focus on living in the moment and enjoying the time we have together before we both have to go back to our real lives. Lives that couldn’t possibly work together.
The brothers who rescued us have retrieved our kayaks and left them on the beach for us, and we leisurely make the hour-long trip back to theKairos. Noah is a sweet combination of worried and protective, constantly making sure I’m not getting too tired or, I think, freaking out being back in a kayak after yesterday. When we reach theKairos, I have the odd sensation of being home. Luckily, things appear to be just the way we left them. I check my tampon box, satisfied to see Liam’s list still safely rolled into the plastic applicator, while Noah pulls up anchor. By the time I come back up on deck, the beautiful islands of Bacuit Bay are becoming smaller and smaller as we head toward the open sea and Malaysia. Noah has told me it’s the tail end of tourist season and the beginning of the rainy season, and although we haven’t seen any rain, we haven’t seen many boats, either. For now, it seems as if we have the entire ocean to ourselves. In another life, the thought would have made me panic. What if something happened? What if we needed help? But with Noah, I’m not worried at all. I feel completely safe.
We spend the next five hours sailing. Or rather, Noah spends the next five hours sailing, since he refuses to let me do anything, even something as simple as going below deck to make us dinner. I mostly lie in the sun and do nothing while he fusses over me like my grandmother does, insisting that I relax after the ordeal in the cave and treating the bruise on my thigh from slamming into the cave wall like it’s a mortal wound.
“I don’t know why you’re so worried about a bruise. It’s not like you didn’t bruise me the other night yourself,” I finally grumble when he mentions it one time too many.
“What do you mean?” He looks stricken.
I roll my eyes. I don’t know what happened to the stern, take-what-he-wants, boundary-pushing Noah I’ve spent the last week with, but I much prefer him to this watered-down, mother-hen version. “Never mind.”
His hands are on me immediately, high-handedly pulling up my shirt to inspect my skin for himself, and I fight back a sigh of relief. Thank God the true Noah can’t be suppressed. No matter how hard he tries to be otherwise, at heart Noah Payne is a man who likes to be in charge, and I love that about him.
He finds the faint purple blooms of color from his teeth marking a trail up my torso, and kisses the one on the swell of my breast softly.
“Fuck, Kenzie. I’m sorry.”
“I’m not.” The bold assertion surprises me as much as it does him. “I like the way you manhandle me. I’m not fragile, Noah. You’re the one who showed me that. Why are you suddenly treating me like I am?”
His brown eyes bore into me as his brow furrows.
“I may have been afraid to do stuff before Liam died and I was forced to face the things that scared me the most, but I’ve never been fragile. I see that now. I’ve been through a lot. It’s not easy watching everyone you love die. At first that terrified me, to realize that just like that, life can end. But Liam, and then you, showed me what I’m capable of. How to live fearlessly. I’ve always wanted that; I just didn’t know how to reach out and grab it. There’s a whole world out there, and just because it might all end doesn’t mean I shouldn’t go explore it. You know what? Yesterday, in the cave, I didn’t hesitate to cross the threshold once. I didn’t once think I couldn’t do it or I wouldn’t survive. I think I’ve finally stepped so far away from my comfort zone that I can do hard things. Scary things. And you know what I realized? Maybe I’m braver and more fearless than I thought.”
He frowns, processing what I’ve said. “You surprised me in the cave.”
“Because you thought I’d be scared?”
“Partly.” He smiles. “Hell, I was scared.” He rubs the pad of his thumb across my cheekbone. “I was ready to save you, but you were just as intent on saving yourself, and me and Paige in the process. I’ve never met anyone like you before. You are an amazing woman.”
It’s like the shutters over my heart have been thrown open and the sun is pouring in, illuminating all the dark corners.
I stand up and walk over to the rail, looking out over the ocean. The sun is starting to set, and the sky is an explosion of orange and yellow and red. Noah follows me, wrapping his arms around me from behind, his nose nuzzling my neck as I shiver with pleasure.
“You’re really okay?”
“I’m more than okay. But I’m starting to get a little bored. And you know what happens when I get bored…” I can feel the hardness of his cock pressing against my ass, and I wiggle provocatively against him.
He growls. “Is that how you want to play, sweetheart? You want to tease me?”
