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There’s a faint buzz as the GPS notifies me we’ve reached a point I preprogrammed into the system. I shift her gently off my lap and toss her the T-shirt I’d been so eager to get her out of. “Want to mark another thing off the bucket list?”
She looks at me, puzzled. “What?”
“Tweeting from the equator. That’s on your brother’s list, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” she says cautiously. “But when I mentioned it in Coron, you didn’t say anything.”
“I adjusted our route so we could dip down and cut across the equator before heading back up to Sipadan. If my calculations are right, you have about ten minutes to think of something clever to tweet for Liam before we cross. Unless there’s something specific you have in mind.”
I watch her face, wondering if Liam had left any specific instructions as to what she was supposed to tweet…maybe something that will indicate where the guns are hidden. It’s more imperative now than ever that I find those guns. If El Gato doesn’t get the shipment he paid for and he figures out she has the money—and I have no doubt the windfall of unexplained cash is the money El Gato paid Liam—her life will be in even more danger.
She grins at me. “Really?” Her face falls. “But you don’t have wifi.”
“I have a satellite phone. You can log in to your account from it.”
She smacks me in the arm, then shakes her hand. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”
“Think of all the fun we would have missed out on if you’d been on your phone the whole time.” It’s a lie, but I can’t tell her the real reason. Especially not now. As much as I wish I could have a future with McKenzie, I can’t. I have a job to finish, and I won’t put her in jeopardy. I could also die myself, and even if I live through this, she deserves more than a broken man with blood on his hands and a hole where his soul should be. But what we’ve shared is rare and precious, and I don’t want anything to taint it when I’m gone. I want to leave her with something beautiful. I want her to know that what lies within her—the part of her that is powerful and brave and strong—is undeniably real. It seems inadequate after all that she’s given me, but it’s all I have to give her—the memories, the experiences that have helped her uncover her true self, and hopefully, the certainty of my perfect love for her in an imperfect situation.
Suddenly, I realize what’s been bothering me. I’m a bastard. Everyone McKenzie loves has left her, and she’s learned not to count on anyone but herself. And then I come along and take that power from her, teaching her to rely on someone…me. All the while knowing I’m going to disappear from her life just like everyone else.
