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“If I really wanted to kill you, I had ample opportunity. I’ve had you bound spread-eagled to the bed and tied to the mast of my boat, naked and vulnerable. You have been at my complete and utter mercy more than a few times. No one was there but the two of us. No one would have known what happened if you had disappeared.”
She shifts in the seat, her legs pressing together. “But your job was to find out what I know and lead you to the guns.” It’s a statement, not a question, and I don’t deny it.
“It was. But that doesn’t mean that what happened between us wasn’t real.”
“I’m sure it was nice to have a little fuck toy to entertain you during the journey. And I was stupid enough to fall for it. To fall for you.”
I try to remember she’s feeling betrayed and hurting, but I’m seething at her comment. “When this is all over, I’m going to spank your ass for that comment. How dare you say that about yourself? What you gave to me was beautiful and sacred, and I won’t have you marring that because you’re hurt. Even if it’s understandable.
“You were never just a fuck, McKenzie. God knows I tried so hard to resist you. At the hotel in Vegas, on the boat…” I scrape a hand over my face. “And then I couldn’t anymore. You were hellbent and determined to get fucked, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to stand around and watch another man take what the universe was all but shouting at me was mine. And make no mistake, McKenzie, you are mine. You were mine since the day I laid eyes on you, and my soul said, ‘She’s the one.’”
Her sharp intake of breath reminds me of that moment when I hold her on the edge of orgasm, right before she tumbles over, but this time, it’s even sweeter. Because this time, it means I have a chance.
“Initially, yes, you were the target. I was supposed to earn your trust so you’d lead me to the guns. But then I fell for you, and it became about us, too, not just the guns. Although I initially needed you to lead me to the guns, after a while I just needed you—your soft skin against mine, your smile, the way you trust me with your body and your heart and your soul.”
Her eyes are so expressive they reveal her every thought, and I can tell she wants to believe me, but she has too many doubts. I have to convince her. It suddenly has become the most important thing I’ve ever done. I don’t want to lose her. Even if it means walking away from everything I’ve worked toward since Sarah and Maggie were killed.
“I want you, McKenzie. Not a list, not the guns, not even revenge anymore. Just you.”
“But you work for a drug cartel.”
Her hands are still tied, and the blindfold lies on the seat between us. I pick it up and slowly place it over her eyes again. “I want you to remember the night at the hotel on Pangulasian Island. You were bound and blindfolded, just like you are now, and when I traced your skin with a chopstick, you freaked out and thought it was knife. Do you remember that?”
“Yes, and I get that was a mindfuck, Noah. But this is different. This is a heartfuck.” Her voice breaks, and she fights to regain her composure. “I fell in love with you, dammit. I trusted you. I gave myself to you in every way possible, and you used me.” I hate like hell that I’ve hurt her, but I can’t squelch the joy bubbling inside me at hearing her say she loves me.
“What did I tell you that night?”
She’s silent.
“Tell me, baby,” I say in that I’m-not-to-be-fucked-with tone of voice, the one that usually makes her scamper to obey me, even as she gives me that tongue-in-cheek grin that says she’s on to me, but she’s not going to do anything about it because she likes giving me her power as much as I like taking it. But she’s not smiling now.
“That I have to trust you, even when my mind is telling me not to.”
“And?” I press.
“That just because something seems to be one way doesn’t mean it’s true, and that I don’t always know what I think I know.” Her voice is a whisper. “Tell me, Noah. Tell me what I don’t know. I want to believe you, but there’s a lot of evidence that says I shouldn’t.”
“I work for El Gato, but I also work for the American government. I’m an NCIS agent.”
“What?”
“After Sarah and Maggie died, the navy refused to send me back to Mexico to fight El Jefe and the drug cartel. But as far as I was concerned, if I couldn’t finish what I had started, then everything I had done, everything I had sacrificed, was meaningless. Sarah and Maggie would have died for nothing. El Jefe had taken everything—my love and sense of duty for my country, my confidence in my ability to protect and serve, my naive belief that I could make the world better, my wife and daughter. I had nothing left to live for except avenging the death of my family. I didn’t care that I’d go to jail or face criminal charges if I ever got caught. I didn’t care if I died fighting El Jefe, as long as he died, too.
“As soon as my time was up with the SEALs, I quit and offered El Gato a deal. I promised if he’d help me, I’d take out El Jefe for him.”
“You went rogue,” she murmurs.
“I intended to, yes. Then mycommanderfound out, or maybe he just suspected what I intended to do. The one time I ran into him after I’d signed on with NCIS, he said that’s what he would have done in my shoes.
“NCIS offered me a position. I would divide my time between the States and Mexico, working undercover as part of El Gato’s organization, and investigate any acts of illegal activity by any military personnel, specifically illegal arms dealing. They made it clear that if I happened to have anything to do with El Gato eliminating the head of a rival drug cartel while working undercover for him, they’d turn a blind eye.” I shrug, even though I know she can’t see it. “Hell, the U.S. government wants Dominguez dead almost as much as I do. His cartel is responsible for millions of drugs trafficked into the U.S. every year. It was a win-win for them, and I got to stay in Mexico and take down the man who stole my life from me.”
“Why didn’t Walker tell me you were NCIS?”
Jealousy is a hot poker burning through my heart. “Who the hell is Walker?”
“Walker was on Liam’s SEAL team. He was one of his best friends. He kidnapped me from the bus station. He figured out who you were and was trying to save me from you.”
I feel like a six-ton weight has been lifted from my chest. The guy who kidnapped her was her friend; she hadn’t been in danger after all. The fact that he’s a SEAL explains a lot.
