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I took a big breath. “I love my parents. Sure,they’re basicallypimping me out, but I love them and they love me. I don’t want to let them down. So, I’ve accepted I’ll marry Apollo one day. Our mums are legit just excited about it. I don’t want to crush their hopes and dreams.” Plus, there was the whole people dying issue, but I couldn’t bring myself to voice that with Florence.
“What about your hopes and dreams?”
“I don’t have any.”
“What?”
“What’s the point when my destiny is set?”
“But you’ve always talked about getting out. You’re just waiting for a way.”
My laugh was anything but humoured. “Yeah. And part of me wants that, but no part of me has ever believed I can find it. I have to marry Apollo. And I just hope that, before that day, we fall in love. It’s like I’m waiting for him to notice me but, at the same time, I don’t want him to.”
“Why?”
“Because that’s the day my life ends. It’s also the day it finally begins.”
“So, whatareyou going to do?”
“In what way?” I asked.
“Well, if Apollo’s paying more attention, are you going to stop fucking Valen?”
“I’m going to stop fucking Valen, but not for Apollo.”
She scoffed much the same way she had when I said it before. “Okay. Let’s pretend for a moment that’s true –”
“Florence...” I warned her.
“Harlow...” she mimicked. “I’m being realistic here.”
I raised my eyebrow at her. “Are you?”
She nodded. “Yes. Why do you have to stop fucking Valen?”
I sighed. “Because I hate him.”
“That just seems like more reason to keep doing it.”
I smiled despite myself. I wouldn’t admit out loud that part of me thought, if I kept going it, I’d never be able to stop. By admitting it out loud, I could no longer deny it. And I had to stop some day. Some day I had to be faithful to Apollo. So, why not stop now when I had a chance of succeeding?
“What are you going to do about both of them?” Florence asked when I didn’t respond.
I huffed. “Do I have to anything about either of them?”
“Yes. You do. You can tell yourself you’re not going to hook up with Valen again, but we both know that’s shit. The way Apollo’s going, you might end up hooking up with him. Are you prepared? Are you going to do both of them at the same time?”
“Literally?”
She laughed. “I would pay to see that.” She frowned. “No. Not see. That’s not my thing. I’d pay to hear about it. But, no. Like juggling them both.”
I shrugged. “If I was stupid enough and unable to control myself enough to end up being with Valen againand, as unlikely as it seems, Apollo somehow actually wanted the woman he’s supposed to marry...”
“Then?”
It was weird how easily the answer came to me.
“Then, without any kind of promise of something different... Without some sign that Apollo was going to give up his Magdalens... Then, yeah. I’d juggle them both.”
