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But she left me hanging—again. “Anyway, I regret the way I ran off. I know it was hurtful, and I’m sorry.”
The vulnerability I heard in her voice softened the bite of my disappointment. She’d confessed to being scaredandapologized, both of which were huge for Tess. The least I could do was meet her halfway. “I shouldn’t have said it was just a kiss.”
“It’s fine.” Her clipped tone told me otherwise.
I probably should have left it there, but I didn’t. Maybe it was because I was exhausted, or maybe it was the same reckless impulses I’d never been able to control around Tess. “It wasn’t just a kiss to me. It wasn’tjustanything. You matter to me. I want you to know that. Whatever happens, you’re important to me.”
I heard her draw in an unsteady breath. “You’re important to me too.”
My heart leaped, hearing her say those words. But then she took a breath, and my heart came crashing back down to earth. I could tell there was abutcoming.
“That’s why I think it’s best if we keep things strictly nonphysical.”
I rubbed my forehead while my hopes rearranged themselves yet again. “Right.”
“What you said before, about us being friends—I’d like us to be able to do that. I think it’s important, for Erin’s sake.”
For Erin’s sake, of course. Tess wasn’t thinking of me, or of her own feelings. She was only thinking of Erin. That was the only reason she was willing to put up with me and make an effort to get along.
“Sure. Whatever you want.” It was what I’d asked for, wasn’t it? I ought to be content with that, instead of yearning for something I was never going to get.
But then she shocked me all over again by saying, “I don’t want to lose you.”
My mouth opened, but before I could find the words to respond she went on in a rush.
“I lost you before, and now that I’ve finally gotten you back I don’t want to mess this up. Which is why I think we should avoid a repeat of what happened Saturday night. I’m afraid if we let ourselves go down that road, it’ll complicate an already complicated situation and potentially ruin any chance we might have of building a lasting friendship.”
I seemed to be having a little trouble breathing, because it was dangerously close to what I’d always wanted to hear from Tess—that she actually cared about me enough to like having me around. That I wasn’t just some meaningless fling who was only useful for sex.
She actually wanted my friendship. But there was a downside, of course. If we were going to stand a chance of making it stick, we needed to not make the same mistakes we’d made before.
“Okay,” I said, finally finding my voice. “I agree.”
“Really?”
“You’re right,” I admitted reluctantly. “It’s an additional complication we probably don’t need right now, and…” I took a breath. “I don’t want to lose you either.”
“Oh.” She sounded surprised and relieved. “Good. I was afraid you’d be disappointed.”
“I’m alittledisappointed, not gonna lie.”
“It’s not that I didn’t like it. Just so you know.”
I felt myself grin. As much as I wanted her to want me for more than sex, I liked knowing she wanted me for sex. “Well I’m glad to hear that, considering how enthusiastically you climbed into my lap.”
“Youputme in your lap.”
“I didn’t hear you complaining, but it was probably a little hard to talk when you were shoving your tongue down my throat.”
“I, uh—may have gotten a little carried away.” I could practically hear her blush through the phone. “It was a hell of a kiss.”
“I’m sorry. Could you repeat that? Because it sounded like you just paid me a compliment.”
“I suppose I did.”
“Hang on, I need to go to the window and check for locusts or falling frogs or some other sign the End Times are upon us.”
“Very funny.” Beneath the sarcasm, I could hear a smile in her voice.
