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“It’s not a competition,” Dawn said, shaking her head at me. “I swear, you and Donal are like Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr, if Hamilton and Burr had secretly wanted to bang each other’s brains out.”
“Maybe they did and that was the problem. Are you suggesting we should settle this with pistols at dawn?”
“Or here’s a thought…you could ask Donal for baby tips.”
“Hmmm. Maybe.” A month ago, the thought of admitting Donal was better at something and asking for his help would have made me break out in hives. But now I could almost imagine myself doing it. I supposed that counted as progress. “All of this is assuming Erin will even want us around after she has the baby.”
“You don’t think she will?”
“I don’t know.” I wanted to think so, but I had trouble letting myself believe it. “She’s already got a mother she’s close to. I’m not sure where that leaves me or what she wants from us long-term—if anything. Maybe she’s only looking for answers to fill in the blanks, and once she’s got them she’ll be done with us.”
“Or she could be hoping for some kind of deeper, lasting connection.” Dawn studied me. “What about you? Do you know what you want from her?”
“I don’t want anything from her.” Everything I’d done so far had been about giving Erin whatever she needed. I didn’t feel entitled to ask for anything from her in return.
“Sure you do. You want some kind of relationship, right? Or else you wouldn’t have responded to her message in the first place.”
“True.”
“Do you know precisely what you want that relationship to look like?”
“No, not really.” I didn’t have any kind of template or model to work from. Erin was my daughter, but she was also a stranger. I was her mother, but that role had been filled by someone else all her life. It left me with no idea what we were supposed to mean to each other. All I knew for certain was that I wanted us to be part of each other’s lives somehow.
“That’s okay.” Dawn’s smile was understanding. “It’s probably going to take you both some time to figure it out. In the meantime, try not to overthink it. Relationships are about the journey, not getting from point A to point B by the most efficient route.”
My mouth twitched into a one-sided smile. “But the most efficient route is the only way I know how to get anywhere.”
“I’m aware,” she said with a knowing chuckle. “You’re just going to have to suck it up and go with the flow.”
“Blergh.” I wrinkled my nose. “I hate going with the flow.”
Dawn’s smile lingered as she arched an eyebrow at me. “You know, the same goes for you and Donal.”
“What do you mean?”
“Don’t overthink it!” She rolled her eyes in exasperation. “Is the old spark still there?”
“Yes,” I answered without hesitation. “Definitely.”
“Then don’t you owe it to yourself—to both of you—to give it a chance and see where it takes you? What are you afraid of?”
“That it won’t work out, I guess.” I didn’t want to set myself up to fail. Or get hurt. Or lose Donal all over again. Not when we’d finally started to get our friendship back. The truth was I liked having him in my life. As much as I wanted to smush our naughty bits together, I’d rather not blow up all the progress we’d made.
“That’s always a risk though, isn’t it? It’s not a good reason to let opportunities pass you by.” Dawn’s smile faded as she looked down at her hands. “You don’t want to miss your window. It might be smaller than you think.”
There was something in her tone—an odd sort of intensity—that caused me to take a closer look at her. For the first time, I noticed the subtle signs of tension in her expression and the dark circles under her eyes that she’d tried to hide with concealer.
“You know,” I said, “we’ve been talking about me all this time, and I never asked how you were doing.”
Dawn’s smile quickly brightened. “Oh, I’m doing great! Couldn’t be happier.”
It was a good performance, but it rang hollow. Before I could say anything else, however, Linda came back with my baby blanket.
“Did you work it out?” Dawn asked, looking up at her.
“Yup.” Linda dumped the baby blanket in my lap and handed me a piece of paper covered with handwritten code. “This’ll do it.”
“Thank you.” I squinted at the pattern notes, attempting to translate them. I recognized most, but there were a few notations that stumped me.
