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I got off my chair and, with tiny steps, went to meet Joe. “And did he tell you not to tell me?”
Joe set down his water cup. His arms crossed at his breasts like he was about to chastise me. “You mean like you didn’t want him to know whenyouleft? Kind of a hypocrite of you to say that, isn’t it? But if you want to know, no, he didn’t tell me anything. It was me who decided not to tell you. Or at least, that was my intention.”
“Why?”
“Because I didn’t want to see that look on your face. The one you’re wearing now and the same one you get every single time the sting of letting him go itches you.”
Joe stepped away from me, stopped at the mini coffee machine on the corner cabinet. He popped an espresso pod into the machine and hit the start button. While the dark liquid dripped into the demitasse cup, Joe leant back to the table, arms crossed at his chest. “When Sam had the accident, the hospital asked me to call his parents. His mum is his emergency contact, and doctors wanted to make sure she was available in case Sam’s concussion led to any complications. The first flight his parents could get was in four days, so when Sam woke up, I called them back to ease their minds. They heard his voice and saw him on video-call and Sam begged them not to come. He promised he’d be the one visiting them when he got out of the hospital. So he did. He went to Iceland with his girls two weeks ago.”
His girls. Even Joe was now calling them his girls. Duh, because they are, Lucy. Are you really jealous of Sam’s daughters?
Joe handed me the fresh cup of espresso. “Sam calls me every day. His mum makes him do it.” Joe laughed, at himself more than at anyone else. A joyous laugh. “I had forgotten how much Sam’s parents treated me like a son. I’m so grateful to be reunited with them, even from this far away. They send me photos almost everday now too. Look.”
Joe retrieved the phone from the desk, tapped a few times at its screen, then returned near me to show me the display.
There were photos of the mountains, snow, lighthouses and beaches. There’s a photo of Sam skiing, of Sam making a snow angel, a photo of Sam amongst his parents and his daughters as they roasted marshmallows over a campfire pit. Look at all those wide grins. Like they’re in a different world than mine. Their own blissful utopia. Then there was a photo of Sam lounging in what I could guess was a hot spring. Two females were with him. One of them was smearing mud on his face, the other touching his naked chest. I couldn’t make out the women’s faces but I was sure they weren’t his daughters. They were clinging onto him like jellyfish. And he was grinning at their flirts.
I tore my eyes away from the phone. Drank the espresso in two gulps. Despite having no right to be jealous, I still was. Just a tiny bit. Okay, no. A lot, actually. “When is he coming back?”
Joe shrugged his shoulders. “All I know is that he left with a one-way ticket.”
So Sam finally took his own advice. He let go. And he might have stolen my move. He went miles away to find out what he wanted. Or maybe it was that what he wanted was miles away.
You’re too late, Lucy. Not getting him back now.
“Good for him.” I say with a forced smile.
“So are we going to pretend you’re happy?”
“I am happy for him. I’m glad to know he’s moved on and is enjoying Iceland and his family and–”
“Who wouldn’t be happy in Iceland? I’m talking about you without Sam here. Are you happy?”
“Was Sam happy when I left? Well, neither am I.”
I walked away from Joe. Sat at the lone desk in the middle of the empty room. I could have lied, and pretended I was over the moon even without Sam. I just couldn’t pretend anymore.
“You say you want happiness. But when you had that chance, you let the bird fly out of your hands. You ran away to the city. And don’t you dare say you decided to do what you did because me or Sam betrayed you. You know we meant well.” Joe’s tone was almost scolding.
“It’s just… It was time to test new waters.”
“And how was it?”
“I drowned,” I admitted with a bowed head.
Joe sighed regretfully at my shame. He came to sit near me. “Do you know how many times Sam walked out on a meeting and picked up his coat intending to come to see you? Six times. I managed to talk him out of it every time. The last time I did, I got these.” Joe pointed to his healing stitches.
Oh, geez. The argument in the conference room. But Joe said it was a silly argument…
“Yes, I lied. And yes, that’s another thing I had sworn not to tell you, but now I think you should know what has been going on back here since you’ve been gone. Luc, those meetings Sam ditched cost us two new clients. Maybe I’m wrong, or maybe I’m right, but I say he purposely walked out on those meetings. It’s like he lost the excitement since you disappeared from his life. That man seemed almost unable to function without you.”
“Why did you stop him then? Why stop him from coming to see me if you’re so sure about that?”
“Because I’m your friend too and just like I know Sam’s reasoning, I know yours too. I know why you left.”
“And why is that, Sherlock?”
“For heaven’s sake, Luc. Do you realize that you rejected this man when he was at his worst, lying in a hospital bed. If he hadn’t ambushed you the way he did, if he had simply showed up at your door, would you have invited him in? No, you wouldn’t have. You’d have shut the door in his face and rejected him still because you need more time. You left because you wanted to take your time and find yourself before sharing your life with someone else. Tell me I’m right.”
