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I didn’t take mine, for the various reasons that are suddenly popping in my head one after the other.
“Just take the beer, Lucille.”
Did this man read my mind or something?
Sam slid the bottle closer to my reach. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to kiss you.” He used my exact words topped with his devilish grin. Then he raised his bottle in a toast. “Cheers.”
“You can’t cheers without a proper toast.”
“Then let’s toast. I’ve got some positive news for both of us. That investor I had the meeting with? She’s in. That means that with her backing, my company will grow bigger and we’ll be able to snatch more high-profile projects for you to work on. So, cheers to our addiction to work and to us for being a great team.”
That sure was an announcement worthy of accepting the beer.
I clinked the bottle’s neck to Sam’s beer. “Cheers to that.”
As I sipped on my beer and the cold liquid made its way down my throat, my brain switched back on the reminder that I should slow down on my drink. I couldn’t return home to Joe tipsy again.Ifhe’d be at home at all.
I picked up my bag to get my phone out. Zero unread texts. Zero missed calls. I still haven’t seen or spoken to Joe since last night’s less-than-pleasant exchange with him. Not even when I returned home and was getting ready for this meet. Because he wasn’t there. He probably wasn’t even home by now either. And if he was there, I didn’t have high hopes that he would even bother to check whyIwasn’t home.
With a sigh, I set the phone on the bar and took a modest gulp of beer. If Joe didn’t care, I shouldn’t either.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this gloomy,” remarked Sam.
“As my boss, you should be glad that I leave my personal issues outside the workplace.”
“I’m not your boss right now. And you know I care about you more than just as my employee.”
“Is that the reason why you brought me here? Or is it because you pitied me for being stood up?”
He shook his head to both questions. “Because you have a beautiful smile and you should wear it everyday, sunshine.”
If I was honest, Sam and I were more than just mere co-workers. We had this extraordinary rapport with each other. We could spend a whole day in a meeting room and never get bored. Sometimes we’d buy each other lunch when we missed lunchtime. And he gave me that foolish nickname which I just couldn’t seem to hate it. Plus we had two fantastic make-out sessions and yet somehow, we could still keep a conversation without the expected awkwardness.
It was precisely who Sam was. A genuinely kind person. Couldn’t forget the one time I caught a bad flu and he insisted I didn’t do any work, not even from home and he replaced me at all my commitments for a whole week.
“Hey,” Sam’s elbow poked my arm. “Want to talk about it?”
“Talk toyouabout Joe?”
“You got anyone else to vent your frustrations to?”
No, I didn’t. I didn’t have family or friends. Joe had been all that for quite a while. So, yes, there I was, sitting with my boss-slash-best-kiss-I’ve-ever-had talking about the heartache caused by the man he already hated and who he believed was my boyfriend.
I shrugged off my sadness. “What’s there to say?”
“Anything.” Sam smiled sweetly at me.
Sam’s offer to be my ear sounded completely sincere. And I knew him to be an excellent listener. So I gave in.
I took a swig off my beer. Then followed with a deep sigh. “I think soon enough there won’t be anything to say at all.”
“Is it over?”
“It’s rocky. It’s starting to feel really… dead.”
As the last word came out of my mouth, I realized that was not a new discovery. It had been feeling like that for a while now. I had merely been delaying from admitting it to myself. But hearing the words out loud, it only became more certain.
I set down my beer and turned to face Sam. My desperate need to spill the heaviness on my chest urged me to take him up on his offer to vent out. “You know the feeling like you’ve got this heavy anchor pulling you down to the abyss? That’s how I feel right now. And I have no idea how to take this anchor off me. And I don’t want to be the anchor who drowns someone else either. It’s not fair for either of us. I feel like I’m suffocating in the middle of an ocean, all alone.” I took another swig of beer. “I don’t feel alive anymore.”
