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Phew! Thank you, Sam.

“Usually we get a very brief, short and sweet review from former employers, but my conversation with Mr Webb was nothing close to being brief. He recommended you with lots of wonderful praise. Said he wouldn’t have let you go if it was by his choice.”

Yes, those did sound like Sam’s words. Words that were meant to mean more. A meaning that Ms Beaumont might have grasped too.

“That’s… nice of him.”

“What’s even more confusing than your unwarranted request was that whoever took my call at his office said he was on a leave of absence. When I asked to leave a message and I mentioned your name, they gave me his personal number. Apparently, Mr Webb is nice enough to discuss Ms Lucille Monroe while lying in a hospital bed.”

See, I knew it. My affair with Sam would harm my career. Here it was. The first bruise.

“Sam and I were… friendly, yes. But I assure you, our relationship never interfered with my professional judgement or performance.”

“Just friendly? So this dainty little plush toy on your desk is not a keepsake of him?” Ms Beaumont picked up the toy cup Sam had gifted me before my departure. “The Sam with perfect calligraphy who signed the tag is not that same Sam?’

I had no idea there was a tag. Even more so, I didn’t know what was handwritten in there – what she read. Still, I couldn’t deny any of it. There was proof literally sitting on my desk.

I named that plush cup Affogato. The perfect name for a reminder of Sam and me. We were an affogato. Sam was the intense shot of espresso that he hated so much, mixed up with me, the fragile vanilla ice cream that I liked, and we melted together. We even were almost true to the word’s meaning in Italian – drowned.

Ms Beaumont set the toy back in its place. That brought me back to the troubling situation at hand.

“Ms Beaumont, does any of this interfere with my place here?”

“Like I said before, you’re doing splendidly in your post.”

Double phew. I was afraid this whole conversation had something to do with my job here. But if it wasn’t, why did Ms Beaumont bring it up? And why was she still grimacing at me?

“Unfortunately, this does drop your chances to get the Chief’s big seat. I’m afraid the board is not comfortable investing in someone who might come in the next day announcing she’s going back to one of her ex’s. My research has also taught me that Joe Parker just joined forces with Samuel Webb again. Together, those two have the high potential of becoming one of our biggest competitors. How could we rest our mind at ease that you wouldn’t find your way out of your contract to go back to Samuel and Joe?”

“Ms Beaumont, with all due respect, I’ve been giving my very best here. Two minutes ago, you yourself just said that I had improved the entire department. Surely you can see thatIhavealready invested myself in your company. And that’s only when I’m just two months in, when I’m just getting started. Think what I will do for your company in the long run.”

“You are one of the most ambitious and brightest persons I’ve ever met. I know you want to move further up. But I’m afraid that what you have here now is all we can offer you. It’s nothing personal, Lucille. I’m sure you understand.”

Stop calling me Lucille. Damn it.

There was the next big punch, and it was no minor bruise. This blow was going to leave a mark. Way to start off the new year on a limp foot.

For the first time today, Ms Beaumont smiled at me. Whether it was genuine or the perfect pretence, I had no idea. All I knew was that I wasn’t smiling back. I wasn’t reacting at all. Neither did I when she set a gentle hand on my shoulder before walking out of my office.

Suddenly my eardrum began pounding to the same beat as my heartbeat. The anxiety’s back with an incoming panic attack. My breath was faltering slowly.

I jumped off my seat, dropping the hot coffee cup I still had in my hands, and dashed to find my handbag. I rummaged through the contents to find the small vial of lavender – my emergency remedy to soothe my panic attacks. Still, no matter how many times I sniffed on the sweet smell, it did nothing. My hand pressed on my skipping heart as I paced around the office, hoping I calmed down.

My gaze fell on Affogato and its tag dangling off the desk. I picked it up. I needed to read the tag.

To my sunshine… Yours, Sam.

I clutched the toy to my chest. As tight as I could. Now that calmed me down. And it also caused me to release more tears.

Who was I kidding? Before today, I wondered if I had just lost my way or if I was just lost altogether.

Now, I was sure I was definitely irrevocably lost.

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Two

“And I thoughtIwas early today.”

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