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He looks at me and grunts.
Already off to a great start.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?”
He doesn’t respond, his eyes glued to the TV. I know he’s going through a lot. I know he’s probably dying for a drink. Or one of Mom’s hugs. And instead, he’s stuffing his face with junk food.
But I still wish he would just look at me. Acknowledge my presence instead of ignoring me. Try to have a conversation. Who knows, maybe actually talk about or days.
Dad chooses misery, though. And no matter how much I tell myself that he’s the one choosing this, I can’t help the guilty thoughts.
What if I leave, and he suddenly binges? What if this time it’s enough to send him to the hospital or another stint in rehab?
Fuck. I rub the back of my neck.
“I’m moving to California.”
Dad looks at me, then looks back at the TV. He still says nothing.
What the fuck?
“Did you hear me? I said I’m moving to California, Dad.”
“I heard you. Go on then, go.”
My mouth falls open slightly. I mean, I knew he would respond either with anger or indifference, but shit, the indifference hurts a lot worse.
“That’s it? That’s all you’re going to say when I tell you that kind of news?”
“What do you want me to say? No please stay? You all leave. Mom, Levi. All of you. I’m not surprised. So go on. Go. Don’t need to worry about me.”
I hang my head as it feels like an invisible weight is being pushed down on me. The weight of all this heavy shit.
“I’m going with a girl. You know, the Stott’s daughter, Chloe?”
Dad’s face darkens at the mention of the Stotts. He used to be close with their dad, but they had a falling out after my mom passed and Dad’s drinking got out of control. Then their father got sick and declined quickly, but they never made up before he passed.
I know he regrets it.
“You’re dating Chloe Stott?”
“Yeah. I love her, Dad.”
Dad shakes his head but says nothing.
“She’s the one for me. I know, just like you did with Mom.”
His eyes narrow as he shoots daggers at me. “Yeah. And look where it got me.”
Dad’s words sting. It’s not Mom’s fault a drunk driver killed her. They had their issues, but they loved each other. Her life was cut way too short. It’s not fair.
“Uncle Tom will be around to help you if you need anything.”
Dad rolls his eyes. “Like I’ll need his help.”
I open my mouth to respond but decide not to. This isn’t going anywhere good, so I stand and walk out without a glance back.
It fucking kills me that the one parent I still have doesn’t give a shit.
