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There’s a thick tension between us. I know it’s mostly the Drew situation hanging heavily over us, but I want to wait for her to bring it up. Because what if it’s not, and I make an ass out of myself?
Or maybe it’s just me, and I’m being paranoid.
We finish eating and sit in silence for a while.
But then Lo speaks as the sunset looms over the ocean shore, splaying colors across the horizon. “Drew isn’t seeing reason. It wasn’t always easy, you know? I thought our dad’s death brought us closer. I guess I was wrong. Because if he really cared, he’d want me to be happy. No matter how or who I would find that happiness with. But he is my brother, and the thought of him being upset with me really bothers me. The thought of losing him because of my relationshipwith you hurts.” She kicks some sand in front of her, and her body sags low. Her shoulders sink as if she’s defeated. “Life just sucks sometimes.”
I wrap an arm around her and pull her close. “Yes, life can certainly be difficult. But he’ll come around. When he realizes how happy you are, he’ll realize how wrong he was.”
Lo nods, twitching slightly, and I let her be, continuing to sit with her in support.
“I read somewhere that holding in all this anger and frustration is damaging to ourselves. More damaging than someone else hurting us,” Lo says.
“Yeah, it’s not good to bottle it all up inside. It festers and gets worse.”
“You’re right. So why don’t we just let it all out?” She looks up and down the beach. “There’s no one else around. We can yell, scream, cry, jump around—whatever helps you release your feelings. And we can say the things we want to say to the people who hurt us most.”
I mean, her idea isn’t a bad one…
“Just shout it into the air to let it out. Whatever it is you want to get off your chest, whatever is pissing you off, just get it out of your head and into the air. Want me to go first?” Lo asks.
I nod, and she stands, taking a few steps away from the blanket. “Why did you have to leave me, Dad? Don’t you know how much I miss you?” she screams into the night sky. Her chest heaves, but she looks more relaxed than she did a second ago. “Dammit, why are you such a jerk, Drew? Why can’t I just be happy?” She yells again. “C’mon, Ty, just try it.”
What the hell. I’ve got nothing to lose. I get to my feet and pause. With a large inhale, I scream at the top of my lungs. “Ahhhhhh! Fuck! I miss you, Mom! Why did you have to leave so soon?”
My throat burns, and I’m out of breath, but wow, it feels good. “I fucking hate you, you know that, Dad? You’re the reason I am so screwed up. You are the reason Mom is dead. You are the reason Levi ran away to begin with. Fuck you! Levi, you fucking left me with Dad. I was just a teen. You left me when I needed you the most!” I yell again.
Lo jumps up and down. But when she stops and opens her mouth to scream again, I notice the tears. The shiny streaks of wetness lining both cheeks. “I still need you, Mom! But now your boyfriend is more important!” She swings her arms into the air and cries harder.
“Why did my entire family have to be ruined by alcohol?!” I yell so loud I cover my ears. “Fuck you, alcohol! I fucking hate you!” The words are ugly, but it feels like a purge of myself, and I can’t stop.
“Everyone always leaves me; everyone always hurts me. My mom, my dad, my brother, even you, Lo. Do you have any fucking idea how bad you hurt me? All those months I spent calling, texting, skyping you only to be ignored like I wasn't important. Like I was trash. Because you were here in California, living your wonderful life. While I was back home, back in hell struggling. You ignored me; you forgot about me.You acted like what we had last summer didn’t matter at all when it was all that mattered to me!"
Lo stops moving, her feet frozen in place. She looks at me with tears streaming down her cheeks, and a hand flies up to her mouth.
“Ty…I…I’m so sorry.” She takes me in her arms, and we collapse together onto the sand. “I was such a bitch to you, and I was so wrong. What I did…you shouldn’t even talk to me still.”
“I love you, Goody. More than life. And even when you hurt me, I still will love you. Unconditionally. You’re my twin flame, Lo.”
“And you’re mine, Ty. I just…I was such a mess last year. I didn’t want to be there any longer, after all those years of waiting to go to my dream place. There are a lot of bad memories there, my dad’s death being the biggest one. I think my mind sort of grouped you in with that place. And I just wanted to block it all out.”
We cry together as all of our anger and hurt come to a head. But Lo keeps going. “It hurt so bad to leave you the first time, Ty. I couldn’t feel that pain again. But I didn’t handle things right. And for that, I’m so, so sorry.”
“Lo, you really did hurt me, and I still don't even fully understand why. But I forgive you. And I’m sorry too. For lying, for pushing myself into your life.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. Everything you did is because of how much you love me. So fuck what Drew thinks. Fuck what anyone thinks. No matter what comes our way, we will weather the storm together.”
She takes my face in her hands and wipes my tears with her fingers before kissing each cheek. I’ve never cried in front of anyone before. But it feels so good getting everything off my chest. And I don’t want to hold anything inside any longer. Like Lo said, it isn’t good for you. “Promise me we’ll always talk about everything. No matter what it is, even if we think the other person will get mad or disagree.”
“I promise you.”
Now it’s my turn to kiss her tears away. We hold on to each other tight like the tide might sweep us away. I don’t know how much time passes, but I could sit like this with Goody forever.
When she pulls back, she’s grinning, her eyes shining. “Now kiss me, fool, and let’s never let anything come between us again.”
So I do just that.
ChapterTwenty-Three
