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A few hours and several patients'charts later, I curl up in bed, in hopes sleep welcomes me. But after a few moments, I find myself staring at the ceiling, my mother's voice playing in my head. All of her rules run on repeat in my brain, like a hamster in a spinning wheel. I wish I understood her better. Why does it matter how much money the guy makes, or his education status? The rules also don't allow me to date any man that's not Christian or white. He can't be divorced or a parent.
As my mind rakes these rules back and forth in my brain, the doubts creep in. I've kept my word in following them. I've believed in them, believed they had to be followed explicitly or I wouldn't find my true match. But the older I get, the more I realize how plain shallow the rules are. They are judgmental, and honestly, racist. Love shouldn't have rules. It shouldn't have boundaries.
You should be able to love whomever you want. Aren't rules made to be broken? What could possibly happen that would be so bad if these rules were to be broken? My mother and sister won't speak to me, but if it costs me my happiness, should I not care? Should I wait for them to accept me and whomever I choose to date?
My track record with these rules isn't great. All of the men I've been with so far besides one fit the criteria, so why have none of them worked out? Why didn't my sister's first marriage work out?
Granted, Melissa's first husband cheated on her and my high school sweetheart cheated on me. According to my mother, we should forgive and forget. Move along. But, that's not something I can do when it comes to infidelity. Melissa fought with her long and hard when Henry kept cheating on her. It got to the point where Melissa was alone for days at a time and my mother finally agreed she should throw in the towel.
Besides my high school boyfriend, I've had a couple of relationships that lasted a while, maybe six months to a year, but nothing has ever stuck. And, the one that broke the rules threw my world into such a tailspin, I never saw it coming. Brant was his name and I'll never forget his dark hair, his sexy body... my eyes shoot open. Just like Knox... fuck, fuck, fuck... I have to resist.
I turn to my side, curling my body around one of my pillows. My eyes drift closed as my mind races with memories of my dates gone bad...
"What did you say you did again, Emma?" I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. My mother set me up on a blind date with this man, who she claimed was perfect for me, but I didn't see it. He was big and goofy-looking in a kind of cute way, if it wasn't for the dribble of spit that kept collecting at the side of his mouth. Fucking help me, throw me a bone here, someone please.
"I'm studying to get my masters in psychology, while getting my hours in at a community mental health center. Eventually, I want to join a private practice or even open my own." I sipped on my wine as I watched Ed noisily swallow an oyster. Nausea rolled through me at the thought of that slimy snot-like food, and the way Ed seemed to be enjoying every second. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and grinned at me, a piece of green parsley stuck in between his front teeth. I cringed.
"Right. Interesting." He scooped up a large oyster, bringing it to his mouth.
"You're a drug rep, right? I remember my mother mentioning a big company—Drugs RI, Inc., is it?" I looked away as he swallowed another oyster, the fish running down his throat as his Adam's apple bobbed. I bit back the urge to gag.
"Yep, that's it. How do our mothers know each other again?"
"They've been friends for a while. The church support group is where they met."
Ed picked up another oyster. I groaned inwardly. "Ah, that support group is all my mother talks about. I went once and didn't see the appeal." He smiled, a sleazy smile that shot off warning bells in my head.
"Umm, Ed?" I lifted my hand, gesturing to his mouth. "You... you have something in your teeth."
He blushed deep red, his hand flying over his mouth. "Oh... oh... oh no. I'll be back." He stood and rushed to the bathroom, leaving so fast, I swore I saw dust kick up behind him.
He didn't need to leave; I hadn't meant to embarrass him. I hated when something was in my teeth and no one told me. I grabbed my phone, wanting to make my call of help before he got back. I smiled when I saw the texts from Sarah. She'd met Ed before at a work function and she didn't want to discourage me so she told me to give it a shot. Now she was blowing up my phone... Isn't that funny? I tapped her cute face, my phone speed dialing her number. She answered on the first ring, laughter spilling over the line. "How's it going?"
"You know exactly how it's going, don't you?" I jokingly sneered into the phone. I could never stay mad at Sarah, even though right now I wanted to kick her.
"I didn't want to not tell you to go! Hell, you may even have liked him for all I know. Everyone has different tastes. Besides, you seemed excited to have a date; I didn't want to burst your bubble." Sarah giggled into the phone a moment later, unable to stop herself. "He's awful, isn't he?" She whispered, her laughter becoming contagious.
"Yes, umm, more like gross! If I have to watch him swallow one more disgusting oyster and then wipe his mouth with his hand, I'm going to hurl. Doesn't he know women are not attracted to men who eat like a two-year-old?"
Sarah's laughter continued. Finally, she managed to choke out, "Plan B it girl, plan B it."
"You owe me, bitch, you owe me." I murmured into the phone hurriedly as I saw Ed approaching. I clicked off to the sound of her still in hysterics and laid the phone down on the table.
Ed sat down with a thud, his head looking sweaty. "Sorry about that. Now, where were we?"
"Umm, I... I actually have to go, Ed. I'm sorry, something came up." Heat rushed to my cheeks. Lying was never my strong suit. I noticed Ed's face drop, and my belly twirled.
He nodded and stood. I guess that's my cue to leave. "Can I see you again, Emma?"
Uhh, shit. How did I say this? "You have my number. Have a good night, Ed." I waved and sprinted to the door without looking back. The cool air hit my face and relief washed over me.
Poor guy. He was nice, he passed my mother's rules, all of them I gathered, but I couldn't stand how he ate.
I arrived at my car a few moments later, the door unlocking as I tapped the key fob. Once inside, I started the engine and called my mom.
"Hey, Em, you're done with your date already?"
