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"Whoa,whoa, whoa, wait one second. Back this gossip train right up." Sarah shrieks into the phone. "You had lunch with whom?"
I laugh, shaking my head. "Knox, the hot new therapist that started working at my job a few days ago, and my crazy ass mother."
"Oh, my God. I need to ask this. Why? Why in God's name would you bring your mother along? I'm sure she nit-picked at everything the entire time." Sarah says and I picture her annoyance, the eye roll apparent in the way she's talking.
I've known Sarah for years now, having become inseparable in high school, only to then go to college together. The sound of her voice is always a dead giveaway to how she's feeling, never one to hide anything. It's gotten her in trouble before.
"Of course she did. He breaks her number one rule besides a few others. God, I can barely keep all ten of them straight anymore. It's like they blur together now."
"Ten!" Sarah says, her voice resonating shock down the line. "Since when have there been ten?"
I laugh, Sarah's memory is one of a fish. "It's been ten since the day she started filling my head with them."
See, growing up, my mother loved to talk about these rules with my older sister, Melissa, and me. When we were too young to quite understand, she would say simple things like, "Remember, true love takes time girls. Don't ever go by attraction alone," Or, "We only date people like us, girls, remember that. It's important."
As we got older, she sat us down, the written rules on a laminated board for us to memorize. Never once did she say why they were so important, only that they were. And we weren't to ask questions.
"Okay, she hated him then, right?" Sarah asks, but she knows the answer.
"Do you even have to ask?" I snort, as I remember the lunch, the ever so awkward lunch. Being around both of them at the same time was a lot to handle. Mainly because I can't fucking figure out why Knox is affecting me this way. The past couple of days at work, I've managed to avoid him, for the most part, with a few passings in the hallway. I can't deal with these emotions, therefore avoiding him is the best solution. My life has enough going on. My mother being the biggest issue.
"Tell me all the details; I need to know the details."
"Okay, you ready? Brace yourself for the ride to crazy town." Sarah giggles. I curl up on my couch, wrapping my legs under me. Taking a sip of wine, I settle in, ready to spill.
"First of all, Sarah, Knox is... damn, girl, he is easy on the eyes. Tall and handsome with dark features; I was drawn to him as soon as I saw him in the office..." I go on to explain our encounter and the tour. I tell her about my mother showing up unannounced and how he told her to leave.
"No way! I wish I'd been there to hear that! I don't even have the balls to do that!" We both laugh. Sarah has no problem telling off anyone who gets in her way, but she's a mute when it comes to my mom.
"He wasn't rude, either; he said it nicely but she got offended like usual, and demanded I call her later, whispering to me that I’d better not date him."
Sarah whistles low, "There it is. You knew she was going to throw that in there!" I hear her crunch on something and I shake my head as I sip my wine. That girl is always munching.
"She leaves, or so I thought she did, and that's when Knox asked me to go to lunch." Before I can finish, Sarah butts in, her excitement coming through the phone. "Oh! What a gentleman. You better not have said no."
I chuckle, "I thought about it. I mean, he isn't dating material, Sarah. He's a coworker which is bad news all around. Even if my mom didn't have that stupid rule, I doubt I'd date someone I work with. It's asking for trouble."
"That's it, Em? That's the only reason you wouldn't date him? You said he's not dating material. What else isn't dating material about him?"
Sarah is like my own therapist. She may not have an overly analytical brain like I do, but she can read me like an open book.
"Well... he's basically sex on a stick. That doesn't make for husband material."
Sarah scoffs, "Em, come on. You barely know the guy. I hate to say it, but you sound like your mom."
I pull the phone away from my ear. Did she say what I think she said?
"What?" I ask her, my surprise evident.
"I love you, Em, but what you said sounds like something your judgmental mother would say."
I gasp, realizing she's right. "Shit. I do." I whisper, horrified with myself. I take a gulp of wine, letting the cold liquid run down my throat, hoping it will knock some sense into me.
Sarah laughs. "It's natural. She pounded that shit into your head like a Goddamned drill sergeant. Anyway, how did she end up at lunch?"
